Battling an Urge

Actually just a short journal entry. It is however related to a book I am currently writing.

     I don't think there are too many people reading this that will ever understand how delicious cold beer would be between my lips and over my tongue right now. Those that know me well probably have the phrase "cold beer" floating aimlessly between their ears right now in the form of an empty and hollow question wondering why something more along the lines of vodka, Jager, or Captain isn't screaming for and begging my attention. It is. It sometimes does around this time of day at this time of year and more than likely will continue to do so for the remainder of the warmer weather.
      With slight consideration and a small bit of wisdom the Lord has so graciously blessed my with, I understand the mental switch today that has taken a turn for something less potent and on the surface less harmful, as beer is something that I never really struggled with. Let's be honest about it....the truth is as simple as the fact that I could go buy a six pack and after probably three beers I would be satisfied and no longer in the mood to finish what I started, but this is where the veil would undoubtedly begin to fall and the hidden agenda of the enemy would surely start to take shape.
      The next sequence would be nothing short of sorcery in the way it would unfold, and the consequences of a six pack of beer for me, without a doubt, could never be foreseen without the understanding of my own experience.
I drink the three and while relaxing to some music my mind begins to wander and reside in places that once gave me the pleasure of escape I so desperately sought. I would awake in the morning, but not at the early hour needed to accomplish the things I have on my list. I would undeniably feel guilt beyond measure and sleep most of the day seeking refuge from the very thing I did in order to pursue a small moment of escape to begin with. The three remaining beers would then be consumed as that voice in my head would convince me there's no need in wasting money, "you might as well drink them anyway."
      I would then struggle with the fact that I so easily caved in to something so meaningless that for so long caused me so much pain and held me captive. I would diligently pray for forgiveness for returning to my folly after being redeemed and delivered from the chains of addiction. The guilt would continue to grow as the argument between my ears would echo back and forth from my left side telling me I did nothing wrong, while the rebuttal from the right side continues to remind me that after being rescued, like a fool I returned to a very real place of danger, one of which could ultimately afford me no return.
      One of two things would happen Sunday morning; I would once again sleep through the day and miss church, or I would attend church with an assaulting spirit of negativity which would then cause more guilt and more sleep.
The work week will not miss me and around Wednesday I will have shifted the guilt to the vault in my brain that keeps the nastiest of secrets and feelings that I no longer wish to consult. Friday will arrive and with it the remembrance of the prior weekend and how after it was all said and done, I made it a week without becoming a prisoner.
      Another nasty brawl will take place in the confines of my sordid mind with one side convincing me that I'm better now; I drank two times last week and made it okay, I'm no longer sick. If the enemy wins that debate it won't be long before he convinces me that as well as I've handled the beer, there's no way I can't handle my vodka. "Drink what you like, you're no longer sick."
      He is correct. I am no longer sick. I have been healed. I have been redeemed. I have been delivered. I am a child of God and I have the mind of Christ, therefore I think like Christ. The only good in me that exists is what The Father lovingly blesses me with. With that being said, I make the choice to write this to you, the one person who read it in its entirety and now that I am done I will give thanks to the Lord that through His wisdom I have seen through the ruse of how harmless a six pack can be for someone who sits with a mind like mine all day.
Today I make the choice to embrace my redemption and cherish my deliverance and salvation for what they truly are: A Gift.
      Thank you Jesus.

Author's Note

Any feedback is appreciated, but this particular piece isn't for sale or debate, therefore it isn't meant to be perfect.