cheater cheater, i'll just beat her

A poem in texts. (Part One)

Herald
(12:31)
Hey, man, what's up?

                                        Nothing much, but...                                                                                                                                 My GF cheated on me.

Oh man, I'm so sorry!
As sorry as a Canadian
can be!

If you need help with
that, call me right away.
 
                                 I just, really, feel astray.
                                 So, just, please, get me help.

Getting more girls?
Just get some hair gel.

For them, they'll come
to you an extra meter.

                                 Despite media, it's like veter.
                                 It's very uncommon.

Oh, really now?
Ask Dorian.

                                 BRB; I got a doctor's appointment.

Okay, Genny.
Just be punctuate.

Author's Note

Give me some ideas for the next chapter.
Other than that, slam me into a brick wall with constructive criticism.