Afraid

What can you do when the thing that most frightens you is also the thing you most crave? Following the theme of temptation.

Love hurts me. Love makes me afraid, and there is truly nothing like being afraid. It is a stomach churning ache deep in your bones " a cold disease that, even with your back up against the wall and your eyes searching every inch of the dark, cannot be sufficed. What I am most afraid is what also I most desire. How can I not be afraid?

How can I not be afraid when she stares at me with the innocent eyes of deceit, drawing me in with promises of love and affection " promises that spell out the word ‘forever’, only to realize that forever is very short indeed? How can I not be afraid? How can I not be afraid when, no matter what she does to me, she still has the power to draw me back in, time and time again? I come willingly, seeking refuge from the ache of the bite by kissing the snake that delivered it.

I wonder what’s wrong with me, because any sane person would never put up with this. I’m angry at myself for allowing this girl to have such power over me. If I must have such passion for this girl then I must have a different kind of passion. Love hurts me. Love makes me afraid. So what must I do? I must hate. And I hate her because that’s what any sane person would do, but my deepest desire inevitably resurfaces and love threatens to make a reappearance the moment she stares at me with those beautiful and innocent eyes of deceit. Love hurts me. Love makes me afraid, but there are always those “what if’s” and “maybe this times”, so I do it anyway, and what does love do? It hurts me. Again.

Author's Note

Written from the point of view of my main character, Lafayette, of my best and unwritten story "Endless".