Mute

This is the first poem of this type I wrote

 

MUTE.

 

You awoke in me

the need

to be loved

touched

wanted.

You set me afire

in ways

I've never known.

Completely yours

I drowned

as emotions

flood through me

like torrents

of liquid fire.

Unable to explain

I remain

Mute.

My love was yours

for all time

but

I had no voice

to tell you.

 

© 2008 jen

 

Author's Note

All comments, views, suggestions, reviews, thoughts welcome - thanks

Reviews

[~crazy Beautiful~]

I like your style
may I suggest a structural edit
it may make the read easier on the eyes

such as

"You awoke in me;
the need

to be loved;
touched

wanted.

You set me afire;
in ways"

this piece would be well heard too
just a couple suggestions, it is great as it is, but could be amazing
thank you for entering my contest

[Jamie S.]

I have never even heard the sound of your voice and I miss you nana jen. This is a wonderful write :)

[[untitled]]

I really like this, sometimes this style of verse is hard to follow but I read this with ease, just once, unlike with many others where you have to re-read to make sense of them. I love "like torrents of liquid fire" ... it casts good imagery and feeling. Great piece. Best wishes, Bethlynne.