last hope

 

i can't jump in to drown again  i know this with assurance  while attempting to convince myself this time it'll be different  the wind even screams for my feet to stay put  do i watch you drown or struggle yet again  will i allow you to push me under the waves yet again  if i let you die alone i live with the persistant guilt and die everyday with the familiar pain that paralyzes my soul  as if magnetically drawn i fall in face first  gasping for air from the unexpected decision  i see you there but the distance seems too great  i'm determined to reach you even if i die trying  as i stretch out my hand you latch onto me  as you frantically attempt to reach the surface you push me under using my body as a support  i can't breath  you gave me no time to take a breath of air  i struggle beneath you desperately trying to push you up  i open my eyes to the burning salt quickly shutting them  trying to avoid the pain  my lungs overflow with water  my soul with failure  all the imaginary strength diminishes as we sink hand in hand  your wide eyes show surprisement  confirming the end  the light floats away as i gaze up with a last hope

Reviews

[Ralphy]

Wow, although this write brought a message of drowning in an ocean of love, it was a flashback to my actually drowning, which I'm sure was not your intent. I believe it was the visual effects. The format was different; it has a certain appeal even though it was continuous.

There was a tremendous amount of passion expressed in the drowning and justification. One line that stood out was the ending...the light floats away as i gaze up with a last hope...

I enjoyed the write�Thank you for sharing it.

[MrJodie]

Pardon the explosive comment but, HOLY CRAP! I could almost feel the salt water in my eyes and lungs while reading this. The format bothers me but I'm certain that it's supposed to feel like I'm being overwhelmed while reading it. No comfortable line breaks or punctuation to allow me to pause, breathe and refresh. Just one continuous stream of feeling desperately overwhelmed. This is, without a doubt, one of the most frighteningly beautiful moments of desperation I've ever had the priviledge to read. This will be another favorite... oh, sweet mother of heaven. I need a breath of fresh air... and then I'm going to read it again.

Thank you. Thank you for sharing this. I'm going for a walk....

[Angel's Lady]

wow...drowning together...in a sea of what? love, despair, longing??? Great write, though....definitely passionate, as I can feel the struggle within you...and again, all I can say is wow...