raw run-ons

It's 4:15 AM and I'm thinking things I'm here to spill, these rushing thoughts can't be put into that form by me as beautifully as you collect your thoughts into art. 

It's 4:19 and your smile is on my mind. The way you lock eye contact with mine so consistently when you smile at me makes me feel like being human's not such a bad thing to be.

4:22 and I'm trying to grasp what I'm feeling, as well as trying to grasp that I'm feeling at all. You just walked in, but as far as what my heart tells me I have known you for a lifetime plus some. And now that you're here in this lifetime, becoming something to me, it feels like I've missed you. I've missed you so much. I've never pondered your existence but now that you're here, your presence answers unspoken questions with absolutely no words required.

The dark cloud that resides above this fragile brain mine has become, it doesn't dare keep a grip on my attention when my eyes meet yours. 

Fingertips, the way yours brush across my skin like art that's begging to be made. I'm sure the angels weep over the beauty they see when we're sinning. If there's a god, he's in awe at the way my breath catches, the way my pulse increases when your lips graze my skin. Or even when your face draws close to mine. 

The way you look down into my eyes watching my eyebrows furrow as I wince at the intensity of what simply looking back up into your eyes stirs up in me. 

I hardly know you at all, but from my gut, I do know that if karma decides to show face it will be letting you stay with me. 

I chase sunrises and sunsets and the moon for the same feeling I effortlessly feel with you next to me. 

I hadn't known it was worth looking forward to anymore. 

And I have no clue what you think. Some would say she's messy or hard to love and I'd tell you that if I'm hard to love it's only because I loved people hard who only loved me lightly. 

4:52 and I'm hoping you find it as effortless to want to keep me as it is for me to keep you.

4:54 and I have no idea how to tell you that I think I need you to stay, I probably won't.

I'm also hoping you receive from me what I feel so gifted to receive from you. 

Life is such a f*****g awful time. Mostly. Being alive and smiling feels as natural as it should feel, as easy as it should be, when I'm next to you.

It's 5 AM. Turning to sleep because it will pass the time.