Happiness

I feel so much love and happiness inside me. It wants to pour out of me and touch everything and everyone around me. I've never felt so much love and joy so often. It started out in small moments with you and has overflowed to all aspects of my life. I need to release it and give it to others because surely this awesome feeling should be shared and felt by many. I feel it most when I am near you, amazed that I can feel so much from being close to one person.
I see the world differently than before. I can see everything through a lens of love and compassion, like children do who are loved and cherished. I remember how to see beauty and the wonderful things in life that I stopped seeing when I was younger and full of promise and hope. Like the first signs of Spring brings renewed life, fresh color and sweet crisp smells and banishing the silent sleeping death of Winter with the joyous sounds of life.
In those moments when I am unable keep the joy and love from my face and it spills out of me onto you, I feel you pull away from me. Those moments of pure happiness and love are transformed into a feeling of wrongness. I am left feeling as if my newly revived love of life is wrong to feel, that sharing and showing my love is unwelcome, unwanted. I feel bad that I might have over shared, overstepped myself. That I have done something bad. Like a child who reaches out with love only to be told to go away until they are no longer busy.
When you leave I sit and ask myself why showing or feeling the love and joy inside you for someone could be wrong or unwanted. The only answer I can find that feels right is that love and joy should never be wrong or bad. I've realized that the world has become so twisted that people are more comfortable with misery, pain, disappointment and unhappiness that the good emotions are so unusual and uncommon that they are unable to accept and embrace love and joy freely given. To see it in someone has become a cause of fear that brings insecurities to the surface that closes them off from the beauty and joy that can be found in this world.
It is heartbreaking and painful to realize that your joy and love can cause someone to run from you or become defensive and push you away. The worst part is discovering that you may never get to hare these wonderful things with others because my intention was never to make someone uncomfortable. I must stay true to myself and keep distance between me and those who can't accept my joy and love. I will give it all to those who want and are able to embrace my joy and love. I will show those few the beauty I see in the world, help them see their own, with the hope that they will be able to share it with others. I hope my joy and love can touch many lives and chase away a little of the silence of winter and welcome back a bit of the sound of Spring.