What a Partner

Sometime We tend to wonder what had happen to all those years trying hard to work our relationship.. Rather work on being happy together so we can find meaning to love.

How do I know if this is the right person for me?” “Is there perhaps someone better further down the line?” Have you ever found yourself asking these questions? How will you know when you have a good relationship, one that’s worth hanging on to? And just what defines a good relationship anyway?

 

   As in any relationship it’s very important to work our needs from wants. (We may all want someone who is good looking or very successful, but do we actually need that?)

“Remember you can’t meet anyone who will fill all your needs, you’ll need to make some tradeoffs. You’ll never get everything you want, so ask yourself how long you want to search for that ‘perfect’ person. At the same time, try to have realistic expectation about what you can get from any relationship. Many fulfillments you require should come from outside the partnerships, too.”...Barbara Eliss, a psychologist in Washington DC. Says

 

  If you experience a lot of negativity, intensity or unrequited love in your relationships, your childhood could have something to do with it. It’s worth looking at how you interacted with your parents or even how your parents interacted with each other. “As you know nothing is smooth in relationship compares with intense longing you experienced as a child when you didn’t get your needs met”

 

I put together some of the question which somehow answers may scratch some itch in this matter.

 

Ask yourself...

·         Do I feel good about this person most of the time?

·         Does the idea of being around this person for a long time appeal to me? (Think of some of your friends you couldn’t tolerate being around them for a long time; a relationship is even more intense.)

·         Does it feel good to relate to this person?

·         Can I share my feelings?

·         Do I feel interested and not bored by him/her?

·         Does this person bring out the best in me?

·         Alternatively, do I like what she/he brings out in me?

 

·         Do I enjoy myself with him/her?

·         Do I enjoy touching?

·         Is this person interesting?

·         Does she/he have bad habit that I can’t stand?

·         Does she/he treat me with consideration of my feelings?

·         Does he/she add value to my life?

·         Does she/he seem emotionally / physically/ mentally health and can I live with what she/he can’t offer?

 

 

 

·         Is the person ready for relationship?

·         Has he/she progress in the relationship by his actions?

·         Is sex good?

·         Can we resolve our differences or learn how to do that?

·         Can I tell her/him how I feel?

·         Are there any circumstances I can’t deal with (e.g.  Job involving travel, children from a previous marriage or relationship)?

·         Can I trust him/her?

·         Does  she/he work I respect

·         Do I know what I don’t like about him or her and could I live with it for a long time?

 

But what sort of things should you expect from a good relationship, and what things should you not put up with? Some negative aspects are universal: you don’t want physical/ emotional abuse, constant criticism, dishonesty, unfaithfulness, instability, disrespect, or someone who is controlling. You definitely do require: a feeling of trust, respect, support, and communication, continuity, of being loved and of someone who is on your side.

   A reliable indication of a good relationship is how you feel when you are with that other person. You should feel better when you are with them or talked to them (you certain shouldn’t feel worse!).

Ideally, it should enhance your self-esteem.

Be aware, however that some fundamental incompatibility can stop a relationship from being successful from the outset. If you have something takes up most of your spare time, (a hobby or activity), for example, you’ll probably need someone who has the same or they may start feeling neglected.

 

Other problems between couples are cause by a difference in basic needs. This include the need for sleep, different energy and activity levers, opposing desire for frequency of sex or physical contact, different values regarding money (whether to spend it or save it); opposite views on how much time to spend at home versus going out, and differences in need for structure, planning, order and neatness in your lives (e.g. you want all the clothes hanging in one direction, he doesn’t even get his to the closet).

 

Above all odds simplicity and your happiness is what need to be met by you, cause no one will bring them to you as Dr. Wayne Dyer says “ No way to happiness, happiness is the way”.

 

 

 

Illustrated by

Leo The Saint