midnight is never a good time to walk in the park...
Midnight is never a good time to wander in the woods. It's
gloomy and the walkways are unlit. The main passage cuts a curved path towards
the centre of the woods, far from the well lit suburban road. If you twisted
your ankle or broke your leg out here, it would be the morning dog-walkers who
would be your salvation and that is a long wait. And beside's there are
other dangers.
Maybe it was the full moon hanging gracefully in the dark
sky or the scorching summer heat of the previous three weeks, that made him
want to get out of his tiny house and go for a stroll. Maybe he just wanted
sometime alone. Whatever his reason; it was an incredibly bad decision.
I smelt his repugnant stench before I saw him, his smell was nauseating, a
putrid mix of alcohol sweat and tobacco. When he came into view over I could
see him with perfect clarity. He was a teenager, quite small and dumpy with
major acne and a bright tuft of bright orange hair. He was as ugly as sin; he
was holding a cigarette in one hand and a can of red bull in the other. I
watched him from a distance as he meandered. His copper hair very visible.
He didn’t see me of course. People rarely do.
But they saw him. Five of them boozed up, smelling of a mixture of Jack Daniels
and Pot. They were in the state that they were completely unafraid of anything
and all of them were carrying bats and crowbars. They called out to him from
the gloom; I couldn't make out what they were saying. He ignored it, but sped
up a bit. Then I smelt it.
FEAR
The faintest whiff of it but I knew what it was. I could sense it and so could
they, and that was the only excuse I needed. The chase began. The men were
quick and even in their inebriated state they were quick. The boy glanced
behind him with a slight turn of the head and took off as fast he could, which
wasn’t really that fast. But he was nimble, ducking branches, jumping roots,
zigzagging instinctively. He glanced back for a second; the men were still
chasing him. He tried to speed up but he was beginning to tire. I could smell
his body become hot and flushed and he was sweating buckets. The gang of
drunkards was closer now and getting nearer every second. The boy shouted
hoarsely but there was no one to hear it. He didn’t look back he must have
sensed that one was right behind him. The man was almost in reach to bring him
down and the other four weren’t far behind.
He began to slow. And the man rugby tackled him to the ground. He gasped out. But
the man kept him there till his friends arrived.
"Where did you think you were off to? You dirty orang-utan." the man
slurred, barely out of breath. The boy's reply came in the form of a head butt
"Son of a ..." he screamed but his last word was cut off by a knee in
the crotch. He would have gotten away if the guy was alone but as soon as he
stood up he was surrounded by the rest of them still holding their bats and
crow bars. One of the men held the bat to his face with its caromed aluminium
surface sparkling iridescently in the moonlight.
"You understand what this means right?" he grinned at the boy who
looked around and nodded whimpering.
"Ok, so long as you do what we say we won’t hurt you. Now get
up." He got up but he looked wobbly after being tackled and there
was a gash down the side of his face where he'd fallen.
"Where’s James?" one asked.
"I’m right here you d****e." came a pained voice from further down
the trail. He walked up to them with a bloody nose holding his groin.
"Where is he? I’m gunna kill him!" James screamed.
When he saw the boy he charged at him and hit him in the chest with his bat and
his breath whooshed out of him. The next swing I heard a rib crack. I began to
move forward slowly hopping from tree to tree. The air was still but the leaves
muffled the minute sounds that I made as I moved. They were laughing now urging
James on. Then they heard a twig snap. In the darkness one looked up towards
the trees but didn’t see anything, he shrugged and I breathed out as he returned
his attention to the beating.
That made me angry. I couldn't control it any longer. The sound came from a
place deep inside me. A low feral growl, I felt my eyes narrow and my body
tensed.
"What was that?" whispered the one who heard the twig snap. James
looked up at him irritated and motion for him to check it out.
He stumbled through the grass towards the tree I was perched in. I leaned
against the trunk of the tree and the leaves rustled gently.
"Who’s there?" he whispered. I said nothing but I broke some bark off
the tree. He heard it.
"Man, this aunt funny! Who’s there?" he steadied his bat in his hand.
He moved closer "I’m not messing around who's there?"
I was crouched low, my muscles as taunt as a bow string. He stared madly around
"man this is bull" he said finally and turned to walk back to the
others. I dropped out of the tree. He was right below me so I took him out on
my way down. He fell heavily because of my momentum and his bat rolled off into
the darkness. His face was wide eyed and his mouth open.
"N-n-no! Get away from
me."
he cried as he tried to back away from me.
I sprang and ripped him in half then threw his body into the trees where to
soft thuds and load creaking noises that his body had hit a group of trees. I
turned to face the others blood dripping from my hands with a wild grin on my
face. They were coming my way after hearing the commotion. They fanned out
trying to surround me, I growled with excitement. I could still taste the scent
of my first kill which clogged my nostrils filled my brain with a red fog. The
hunt was on.
I sat there on my haunches waiting my eyes gleaming crimson and hands soaked in
blood.
"Jesus, what is that?" one said half-to-himself.
"Just keep him busy man. Don’t let him get behind you." another
ordered.
I was watching all of them as they came towards me and a low roar escaped from
my lips. My eyes darted around and my body tensed as a cheetah tenses as he is
about to pounce. They kept coming towards me. Then I sprang, the first one
swung his bat at me, I ducked it then uppercut him so his head severed cleanly
from the spine, snapping his spinal cord and killing him instantly.
The other one swung a crow bar which I caught as it swung and snapped it in
two. Then I stabbed one into his Adam’s apple and the other through his chest.
The third enraged by his friend’s deaths went into a frenzied attack, swinging
and splashing trying to force me back but I stood my ground following the
pattern of his attack. Then hit him in the chest quite literally breaking his
heart. The final one turned and ran as fast as he could. I followed him slowly.
I was going to enjoy this one. He ran into the thickest part of the woods and I
followed him silently, gliding along the moist earth, jumping over small streams,
never making a sound while just ahead of me the man blundered tripping over
logs and hitting branches.
I jumped up into the trees and followed him from above until he came into a
circular clearing that's when I dropped on him. The look on his face was pure
terror like a cat looking into the headlights of an oncoming lorry. I grinned
at him then in the blink of an eye picked him up and threw him at a tree
impaling him on a branch. I left his body up there the police would find him
eventually. And made my way back to the path. The boy was gone, probably to
change his underwear. I left the bodies were they were, the early morning dog
walkers were going to have a shock, I grinned to myself. I walked out of the
park with the moon above me. Looking like the god of death I truly was.
I think it's good but the description 'like a sweaty gorilla who had found a can of lynx and sprayed the whole can all over his body' seems out of place as the language that you have used before and after is a lot more intellectual. But at the same time it seems as though you are putting in long words to make yourself seem clever. But these are just the negatives, there are a lot of positives though :)