Adaptation

A foolish endeavor, ultimately failing.

I thought I could conform,
wanting to become part of the pack.
I dressed differently;
closed my mouth more.
I tried to be less caring yet more selfless
hoping to become more desirable.

It didn't work.

I wore black.
I abstained from interests in favor of theirs.
I slept only with candles for warmth
and bathed in ice water.
I froze.
I laughed at the idiocies protruded from their mouths,
trying to fit in, but stay me.
I was brainwashed.
I ate kosher for a year and a day.
I drank tea to bleach me inside.
I prayed to mother earth and father sky for strength as the moon waxed
but was weakened when they turned away my heart at witching hour,
and thought I would die from the cold.

I did what I thought was good,
thinking blending wasn't a bad idea.
But still deep inside me is the need to know:
was adapting always like this?

Author's Note

If you've been through this, know you're not alone.