Train 2014

A short story I wrote about leaving her.

They were waiting for the train. Hard rain beat down on the city above their heads and anxiety was boiling up inside of each one of them. The two were once great friends who loved each other’s company, or so one of the two thought. He loved the other, always providing anything the other wanted. He saw her as the most beautiful, but was disappointed in thinking just that. He was a writer and expected his love for her to be expressed more creatively than it actually was. He simply did not know how to describe such a powerful feeling. He wanted her to know he adored her and loved her so badly, to know that every moment the two share together is more valuable than anything else.

            She had long, wavy blonde hair, eyes that sparkled the most amazing shade of blue, and a smile like no other that could brighten even the gloomiest days. Her laugh was the cutest and her voice the most soothing.  Her personality was understanding, kind, energetic, charismatic, and affectionate. She was everything that only could be described as amazing.

            He was quite the opposite; a quiet, boring, uninteresting, and overall shy individual. He knew what loving a girl meant, but never felt this way with anyone else. He respected women, and took as many chances as possible to be courteous; not because he was taught to, but because it was the right thing to do. He once read, “When a man loves a woman genuinely, she becomes a physical necessity to him. She is as important to him as water, food, and shelter if not greater than these things.”

            Just when he began reminiscing about all of the great times he shared with her, a train horn was heard. The number on the side of the train read 2014. Both of the two stood in front of the train as it came to an oddly quick stop at the station. The two turned to look at each other not saying a word. He had no clue how to react to this separation.

 As he began to turn and board the train, she pulled him back and hugged him. He was in shock at such an action, but cherished it as well. He held her holding her head to his chest. The train remained still awaiting the man to board. Their warm embrace lasted for what felt like an hour, but once they let go, the realization of time came back, and only a minute passed. Now having space between them, they looked at each other with upset faces. He turned to leave and stepped onto the train. He looked back at her, admiring her beauty before opening the door and entering the train. As he sat in his seat, he realized; he would never find anyone like her again; wishing everyday could be shared with her company.

Reviews

[M.E.Lyle]

Your writting style is great. I couldn't find any grammar errors, but I'm no expert. You certainly don't write like a 14 year old. Most of us older folk wish we could write as well. Well, maybe I should only speak for myself. I can empathize with your feelings as I had a similar thing occur in my life. Great job.

[Josh Mattheu]

Thank you! It's nice to see new people give feedback on my writing. I'd say I am a much more mature 14 year old than most others. I think everyone has had to leave at least one person in their life who meant the world to them.

[Ti]

Josh Mattheu. That was a beautiful ending to your love story.
The ending.... was just so sad...
Was this your recent love that was left behind?
Lovely, sad, departing story :)

[Josh Mattheu]

Thank you so much! I truly appreciate your time :D
This person was my only love I have ever had and yes, I did have to leave her at the end of our middle school lives. We are still friends, but she does not feel the same way I do. I will always want more than just this friendship..

[Ti]

That is just so sweet :'(, aw, I can't help but sympathise with you, but I guess I just wouldn't understand your feelings because i've never seriously loved someone before - well, just keep fighting for her no matter what if this is seriously how you feel about her, I hope everything goes well with her :)