can i compliment myself? no, not really.

it just dissolves into poetry. i was originally trying to do a self esteem exercise... writing what i like about myself. and no, i don't really have a peg leg

i am modern and marvelous
impotent but miraculous
with lightning in my eyes
and thunder in my mouth
ashes in my lungs
and on my jeans
desire in my heart
peg-legged but not hobbled
i will run or walk
or crawl
i'm hungry but so full
of myself
wonder:
maybe every man who can't see
can see
what i can't.
feel what's in my hand
be it beautiful or strange
slowly going in reverse
becoming sand people
with castles made of same
we will dissolve.

Author's Note

i think it's odd how quickly it just melts into something it wasn't supposed to be... like, after the first line.

Reviews

[Dave "Doc" Rogers]

This what I call vertical poetry b/c when done phrasically - breaking each phrase on its own line to add emphasis to the prase - it can visually give you that same feel of a spoken poem done well. I have heard & read both good and bad versions. I may have even written some of the bad versions myself. :)

Metaphorically you were doing well until you got to "what i can't." Then, it fell apart IMHO. Sorry. You had a groove going with the 'this' then 'that' theme happening. Then you take the reader in another direction. Initionally or not, it took away from what I thought was going in a good direction. Don't get me wrong. I like the sand, sand people, sand castle tie togethers. That's a good touch. I just didn't feel like it should have fit here. D'ya know what I mean?

May be a revisit. I liked the first 2/3's.

Cheers!
Doc.