forgetting me

Stunned by your choice,

You leave me without a voice.

 

I always had a fear,

Hoping your always near.

 

You threw my things in the grass,

Leaving me in the cold, on my a*s.

 

I love you so much,

You were my clutch.

 

You love her,

Looking at me as if I’m a blur.

 

I should have known,

Your heart is made of stone.

Reviews

[Thepensiveplayer]

Its always a bummer when your thoughts and feelings aren't reciprocated or worse never acknowledged to begin with. Yet, through it all you can rise above it. I think there's always someone that cares about you even when you don't know it. keep up the wonderful work!

[barleygirl]

As Jacob mentioned, at first I thought your rhyming felt a little unnatural . . . some people stretch to get the rhyme, but it disrupts the flow of the meaning. But as I went on reading you, I changed my mind, thinking your rhymes are a welcome departure from the predictability of perfectly-crafted rhymes. I believe your thinking is outside the dots, & this is why your rhymes seem different than what we usually expect. All in all, your short & harsh-sounding lines feel like a rant of loss & sadness which is relatable & true-to-life. I've thrown someone's things in the grass, so I very much love that honest scene. Details like that make your writing more memorable. Have a nice Christmas, new writer & friend (((HUGS))) fondly, Margie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

4th line should be "you're"---
i like the brutal honesty that comes through in this one...sounds a bit forced in the rhyme---let that come more naturally...maybe let free verse happen if it is meant to be....there is some strong feeling here---

j.

[Jason Baptiste]

Wow Another one of the painful but beautifully written Your honesty will lead you to honest people Keep dignified Dissatisfaction can be a blessings in disguise The beauty of the heart is much more than the face

[Karmee]

Wow! I really enjoyed this write, gripping write of lost love. excellent rhyme scheme. Been down this road a time or two.

[marilyn 1225]

YES I UNDERSTAND I HOPE YOU FIND A BETTER LOVE IN YOUR FUTURE... YOU HAVE YOUTH ON YOUR SIDE... IT HURTS I KNOW WELL

[KCthelastboyscout]

Painful words to a sad story.when you are not the chosen one in someone's heart you carry that pain in yours always