Holly Renee

This is basically the first chapter of my book, I started writing it shortly after someone close to me passed away, to learn more visits http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/758247226/holly-renee

 Where did I go wrong? I ask that question a lot these days. Specially on a night like this, I'm scared of what's going to happen next, but I keep on driving. The empty roads reminds me of how lonely the pass few months have been. I come up to a red light, and a part of me wants to turn around and go home, but the other part of me said this is for the best, and the memories of her keep me going. The lights from the street lamps are like guides leading me to my destination ahead. I come up to a long rusty steel bridge over looking the grand river. There is nothing significant about this place beside the fact I visit it a lot in my dreams. I pull my car off to the side of the road. I reach for my keys to turn the car off, and than I open the door. The winter breeze hit my face, instantly I am reminded of how numb ive been for awhile. Its New Year Day, and all but memories surround me today. The sad part is the memories are good, but because they are good, they make me sad. All I could hear was traffic in the distance. I stepped on to the bridge, and moved toward the side. I looked at the cold murky water below, staring wishing things were different in my life. I had everything I needed, and lost it all in four months. I know I promised many people I wouldn't end up like this, but maybe if just one thing went right for me I wouldn't be up at 2AM in the morning looking down at my cold watery grave. I stumble around for a moment, pulled a bottle out from pocket, which I took from the party I was at earlier in the day, and started to drink it. I sat down on the curb, and than my mind started to wonder. The girl in the white dress smiling at me, as I bent down on one knee. The snow flakes were floating down all around us, such a magical day I thought to my self, I reach down into my pocket, and pulled out a shiny ring. Tears of joy ran across her face, I quickly shook away the vision, and stood up. Well there no turning back now, I've made up my mind life without her just doesn't make sense. I started to climb up onto the railing, to finish what I came here to do. I dreamed this many times, the pain from not having her around no more became to much to handle. I know this is for the best I thought to my self. I put one foot on to edge of the steel bridge, and when I reach for the other a soft voice called out to me, and said "Hello". When I turned around, I saw a young blonde in a light long grey coat wearing nothing, but red lingerie underneath. Is this another dream? It's hard to tell any more, I don't think I've been sober very much lately, but unfortunately this situation was very real. "Hello", I replied. "I was just, trying to get a better view", she looked at me, and just shook her head. " How bout you step down from there". Well if it was anyone else I don't think I would of listen. I was stunned, and amaze with what was happening right now. I stepped down, and just stared at her with a blank face. "There you go that's better, I went outside for a smoke, when I saw you standing there. I was going to ask you for a light, but then you started to climb over. You know that's water like thirty degrees?" she said with a worried expression. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you, I thought I was alone", I told her. "I just got done with my shift, I'm a dancer at TJ's" she pointed down the road. I stared at the flashing red sign, wow an exotic dancer was my guardian angel, I joke to my self sarcastically  "Well I don't think I can help you with the lighter, I don't smoke" I began to tell her. A white four door Cadillac with shiny chrome wheels started to drive slowly towards us. Something doesn't seem right I thought to my self, they stopped right in front of where we were standing. Two tall dark men got out of the back seat, one reached into his pocket and pulled out a shining gray gun. The girl who stopped me from jumping off the bridge immediately started to run, and scream for help. The one carrying the gun started to chase her, and before he could get pass me I reached out to stop him. We tripped and fell into the road. I got up, and my first reaction was to start running too, but before my right foot could hit the ground a loud bang came out from behind me. Everything started to slow down I could feel something dig right through my shoulder I looked down, I was bleeding than I stopped a second bang this time the pain was a little lower than the first one. I could feel my body began to fall towards the ground, and before I could reach it one last bang then darkness. I drifted off into a dream, but really it was more like memories kind of blurry they appeared in my head, I am at my old job now, cleaning the grill, so it is ready for hot dogs to be cooked on it the next day. I remember today I am excited, since there was a new girl starting work today. I was almost finish when she walked in, and I caught a glimpse of her before she went into the back. She was tiny with curly brown hair, and brown eyes. I was a shy 19 year old, and never even dated a girl before. When I walked in the back to punch out for the day, she was at the computer doing her training courses. I looked at her, and smiled. "Hi, my name is Jordan, and you must be holly." She nodded her head, and smiled back. I could feel my face start to blush, and I could tell she was as nervous to talk to me as I was to talk to her. "Well I am headed out now, so I will see you around." I told her, "Have a good night" she said back. The images would go bright then everything would go dark for a few seconds like my body was fighting to stay conscious  which was true since I was shot three times, but really it was the paramedics trying to restart my heart. The thoughts came racing through my mind I remember not sleeping the whole night, I was thinking of what to say to her. The next day I requested to train her, for the third shift job she was hired to do. I trained her for about a week, and we would talk more than we did work. I thought she was great, and I liked her a lot but everyone not perfect. The images in my head started to skip scenes as if I was watching a movie, A lot of people warned me to not to pursue a relationship, but I thought I could fix all of her problems by making her happy. When it was her first night working alone, and I was going to go back to working day shift, I realized after today I would only really see her in passing. I remember she looked at me, and said "Jordan how come every time your around me your face turns red?" I was stunned by the question, I was too scared to come out and tell her I liked her. "reds my natural skin color." I told her. "I think I know why it does, you should call me tonight, so I'm not bored." she laughed. I really didn't know what to say, so I tried to sound cool, and told her I was too busy. Lucky for me that night instead of going home I went to my cousins house, he helped give me enough confidence to call her. She explain to me how she thought I was the cutest blue eyed blonde hair boy she ever saw, and she liked me a lot. I told her I felt the same way, and so we set up a date the following week .All of a sudden a bright light appeared, then a door I could see my hand reach out to open it. I stepped inside, it was a church I turned and looked at the mirror on the wall. I could see my reflection I was wearing a grey suit and tie. I began to walk up the stairs, and I could see an open casket. Inside was that same beautiful brown eyed girl, this time she was dressed in a sparkly white dress, and I could see she was still wearing the engagement ring I gave to her a year back. Out of all the day's I remember this one the most, since this was the last time I would see her. "He's stabilizing" yelled the EMT. I opened my eyes I was riding in the back of ambulance, strapped down to a gurney. The ride was bumpy, and I was in a lot of pain, but I stayed calm. "Sir can you tell me your name?" Jordan I replied. Can you tell me the month and year? January 2012. Do you know what happened to you? No, I turned to the right, and saw the same girl that stopped me from jumping off the bridge, she was scared and looked like she have been crying. I could feel myself drift back into the darkness, then I was dreaming again. This time I was wearing my work uniforms, I am really nervous my hands were shaking a little bit. I pulled up to Holly house, and she was wearing a purple tank top with a little black sweater. This was our first date which we had set up. When we got out of the car at the restaurant  we started walking. She grab my hand, and I looked at her with a smile. She smiled back, and I never will forget that smile either, because that is what defined Holly. We ordered a chocolate Oreo cake with ice cream, and we sat there holding hands staring at each other across the table. We fed each other ice cream laughing having a good time. When we were done she came across the table, stared at me and I knew she wanted to kiss me." I really don't know how to kiss you, because I never done it before." I said. "Is there anyone looking" she laughed. As soon as I said no she grab me for a kiss, and the scene started to change again. I was driving her home, she told me she wasn't ready to end the night yet, so we pulled into this park. "This is one of my favorite places" she told me. She ran into the woods, I chased after her, but she was gone. The trail lead to an open area surrounded by trees, and I remember we ended up here that night.we laid on the grass watching the stars, so many memories in this spot. There was an opening with water, in the distance I could see plates floating in the water with candles on them. Those candles were the last thing I remember about this place, we put them in the water the day she died like I promised. My head was spinning with thoughts, I was losing control of everything it was an horrible feeling. After a few seconds I started to feel calm again. The light hit my eyes, and when I opened them I was laying in a hospital bed. The pain was unbearable when I started to move my arms, my shoulder was wrapped in bandages along with my leg. There was a red button hanging off the side of the bed, I grabbed it and pushed it down. With in moments a nurse came through the door, Can you help me, Im in a lot pain? Can you tell me what happened? I asked her. You've been shot three times, twice in the shoulder and once in the leg? She told me. Shot I thought to myself, I don't remember a lot from the night before everything was a blur. The one thing I do remember was the faces of the gunman. Meanwhile she grab a couple of needles out of a drawer, and began to put them through my IV. This should help with the pain, and make you more comfortable. she explained to me. It only took a few moments before I fell back asleep again.

Author's Note

Please if you like this book, learn more about it @ http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/758247226/holly-renee
and follow me on twitter @jordanshadowens