The train ride

The rhythm
His
Breaths
Like a journey
Through a long tunnel

Oxygen was the train
The wheels
Beating slower and slower
Till the train stopped
Midway through the mountain

The gates shut tight
The guard waved his flag
‘‘Twas time to find
Another carriage

The weary traveller stood
Up
Alighted
To his new station
The whistle blew

All aboard was shouted
He stood alone and waved
No one saw him
He just saw his shadow
Departing
From whence he wasn’t sure

Breaths tight but
Stronger now
He was on the right track
To his journeys end

Reviews

[emmajoy]

Which way should my thought go, after two reads? My initial thought was of someone moving into that moment when life is done, over. Tis time to step into a new and unknown place. But then i wondered if you are being more adventurous, livelier. Quite a puzzle here, perhaps... might need to come back, Julie!

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

He was dying
I could of been more adventurous but I think that going to the new life is one ☝️
Hope you well xx
Thanks 🤩

[emmajoy]

My first feeling was just that, what you've now confirmed. Thank you for telling me so.. can read and see what I felt .. before exploring my second read, Julie.

[Samuel Dickens]

Oh, my. I may have it wrong, but my old sailor brain sees all kinds of delightful vulgarities in this. Suddenly, I'm thinking of Linda Harper in the back seat of my Studebaker.

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Thanks for your kind review ha ha glad you saw that side of it too

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Ps you old dog you lol

[Einstein Noodle]

wow! that's one hell of a train ride ... title is almost cliche'd but truly hooked me anyway, Jules! and the ride held me .. as i read your short straight forward lines .. i heard, smelled, saw and felt that train pull into the station and halt ... and so mystical .. he gets off .. watches his shadow leave ... and even so he remains on to his journey's end ... very mystical to me ... but .. that's kind of how i am bent :) we get on and off all kinds of trains in life don't we?! and in the end ... well .. we shall see what we shall see .. i like this a lot .. for me it is very interactive and has a lot of sensory input with little said ... and its spiritual says i! :))))))))))
E.

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Thanks yes it is spiritual thanks for your great review

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

You relate and narrate in an interesting captivating novel way. Kudos for this great poem. Does it mean death towards the end?

Pls pleez do review/ comment/ write your thoughts on my newest poem too.

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Thanks so much yes but really he’s dying all the way through thanks