she

our so called 'Utopian' world...

She

She tried to dance,

But found her feet chained.

She tried to work hard,

But there was nothing that she gained.

She tried to sing’

But they made her choke.

She tried to fly,

But they cut her wings.

She tried to be happy,

But they awarded her painful fire rings.

She tried to learn,

But they laughed at her.

She tried to love,

But was not nurtured.

And so she tried to change,

But still they disagree.

I ask why? Why? can’t they

 Let her free?

Is it just because I’m

Writing ‘she’?

Reviews

[TheSecretAuthor]

Oh lord, that was beautiful. You have this way with words that just about set your work on fire. Each word is so precise and beautiful. Just one thing, in the 4th last line, you should try switching the order of Can't and They, and see how it looks. I have a feeling "Can't they" would sound better than "They can't". Or you could remove the question mark from the previous Why and it would make better sense.
All in all, beautiful. ;)

[yashmita13]

thanks a lot for reading! yeah i agree. ill change it.
thanks again

[Saddam]

It is very painful for her and for such a girls in this world, which is not so rare.
Great aspect and analysis dear poet. Really powerful Questions and I am sure they can not answered you.
Powerful write.

[Magnus]

This is the most beautiful piece I have read this afternoon and I love the simplicity but yet complexity in emotion! I do think the ending could have been much better...I have tried to understand this one but its just to vivid and abrupt which I don't understand if its a good thing!

[yashmita13]

the ending actually signifies sexism in places that gets too much.
thanx for reading

[Magnus]

Thanx for the clarity

[raj24]

beautifully written Yashmita... a relevant question..why after all..the society is against her...we talk of equality only to get publicity but when it comes to the reality society is very different..thanks for sharing :)

Raj

[yashmita13]

thanks a lot for reading raj

[WindsorWolf28]

Amazing job.

[yashmita13]

thanks a lot for reading!

[KurKota]

In reading this I discover in you just how deeply introspective you are, and how well you can express those feelings in words. I particularly like the power you express in the last four lines and the very large meaning in "Is it just because I'm writing 'she' ? A simple question but so much implications to it....just the fact that you use lower case in the 'she'.....states so much ! Contrary to an earlier review being critical of the font, I disagree.......I find this is a very appropriate font for this piece...the whole distinction of the lower case 'she' is dramatized in this particular font...that would be more easily missed in some other font.....I am impressed with the nuances you use in your writing.

[yashmita13]

thank you so much kurkota

[Ashira Macy]

I enjoyed reading this a lot. It brought out a lot of emotion. A girl who tries so hard, but always crashes down due to unfortunate circumstances. Great work.

[yashmita13]

thank you so much for reading

[Emily]

Love this poem! It is one of my favorite poems now! Keep it up!

[yashmita13]

thanx a lot!

[C. Rose]

I found this upsetting. So, well done drawing up emotions.
She keeps trying and trying. You don't tell her frustration, but it is so clear.
By the word "choke" I was upset and it kept going.

What do you mean "painful fire rings?"

[yashmita13]

like the ones in a circus ...

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

An interesting little poem. I found it hard to read using this font. I lost interest a bit because of it.
I think it would do better in a standard font.
Overall not bad.