I Had a Dream I Kissed You and I Hated It

Seeing your childhood best friend one last time.

I don’t see you too often anymore

Aside from a wave across the street

Phone calls that stopped over the years

Ones where I’d tell you all about my new crush

And the little details of how he’d look at me

You were my verbal diary.

And you’d tell me something new

The vagueness got greater every time

There is nothing easy about not being in your life.

I remember lying on the grass with you

And how I felt sick to my stomach

Contemplating how I would tell you

A piece of me you didn’t know

From shared kisses in childhood

That I hoped you would forget

A part of myself I didn’t want to know for a long time

Even how I told you

Though we never truly talked about it

And maybe I’m crazy

But I feel like you’ve never come down

From this high you’ve been in

Never enough to have a consistent conversation

Never enough to truly listen

To you acting weird

I felt like I haven’t seen you in years.

And to have that imagined memory

Of myself over you

When you decided to kiss me

And how I swear I could almost see my face

Outside of myself

Turned in how wrong it all felt

How my brain could do that to me

I don’t even know who you are anymore.

Author's Note

Free for interpretation.