Oceans

something i started somewhere else

I'll act as if you never knew me

As if our lives had never wrecked together

Just let myself dive into a bottle

And let the ship built there take me away

Sail to the depths and never return

 

The waves will soothe the soul

And the fish will confort the spirit

The sand will cover those wounds

And the salt will burn them

But don't worry about me

 

I will eventually return to the surface

As the sun breaks into the sky

I will come back with shine in my eyes

And fire in my belly, scorching and hungry

Ready to begin again

 

As the butterfly who opens her wings for flight

I will begin anew to fly again

Never again will I see that ocean

or let the depths engulf me again

All in sight is the skies and future.

Author's Note

raw material deserves raw critics.

Reviews

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Thanks for considering me a raw critic! Beautiful. I favorited this poem, I absolutely loved it! The metaphor of the ocean was fresh and original. The strongest part, that sang to my soul was:

I will eventually return to the surface
As the sun breaks into the sky
I will come back with shine in my eyes
And fire in my belly, scorching and hungry
Ready to begin again

(that is my motto for the hard times I am going through right now!!! Do you mind if I post this on my page by you? thanks.)

[Vincent]

fit for trials. strong, independent, well written, not arcane but not novitiate like most i've read (not calling you a novice writer if that isn't apparent, ref other writers).

[Irfan Shah]

I loved this. I really did. I loved the first stanza the most. I like the flow and the imagery and the zeal that it carries. Just two things: confort should be comfort and future should probably be 'the future' but I am not sure about this second correction. Please check and confirm from somewhere else as well. Overall a lovely ready. All the best