A Day of Dreams

An abstract and ambiguous short story that plunges you into the mind of a young guy who is aware of the path he's on but is afraid its all too late. He's intoxicated and wondering about his life

So I wasn’t sure what stop to take next.

I mean, I’ve only lived in San Diego for about a year now, granted I have no car so my main mode of transportation has been my skateboard and the trolley. Like I said before though, I wasn’t sure what stop to take next.

See, I’m pretty high right now and the lights in the night sky are stars yes, and i know this, but right now they seem to be in some kind of swirl. It’s almost like they’re dancing.

I can smell the perfume of the girl next to me.

S**t. Okay, I need to focus. Where was I headed? It was such a nice night. The brisk air against my skin, the light scent of salt water lingered in the breeze and the dim light from the moon managed to sneak through the worn down trolley windows.

The ground stopped moving. Cool. The girl got up. She was much taller than I expected. She popped a stick of gum in her mouth and walked right by me with no acknowledgment.

Ouch. Well, what did I expect? I have nothing to offer her. No promise of emotion, no walks on the sand or light kisses in the morning.

I’ve been down that road. I’ve experienced a long relationship and I usually end up caring more than the other person. I usually end up hurt.

It’s alright. Not my problem right now. My problem is getting home to my nice warm bed before sunrise. I’m not much of a morning person and if I was I would prefer to spend it in bed, with a roof over my head. Not in a trolley with a bunch of random strangers.

I tightened my grip around the edges of my board and tugged at the strands of my dirty blonde curly hair. F**k.

I knew heading out alone wasn’t such a good idea. Usually I have my s**t together.

Usually on nights like this I’m more relaxed and chill and in tune with my senses. For some reason, I’m having an ‘off trip.’

Literally and metaphorically cause remember, I’m high.

Okay, this looks familiar.

I hopped off the trolley and instantly jumped on my board. I swiftly weaved in and out of the sidewalk crowd. The streets were bustling with drunken adults and curious tourists who annoyingly stopped in the middle of the pavement to take pictures of a building that I’ve skated by numerous times.

Jesus Christ. I wasn’t expecting my night to go like this. I wasn’t expecting to find myself miles from my apartment with my mind wrapped in an eloquent haze.

I routinely muttered the words “excuse me” and “sorry to passerby’s who I accidently grazed while floating through.

I could smell the prominent aroma of grilled chicken and the sneaky hint of roasted garlic along the buildings.

God I’m starving. I could really go for some food. Maybe tacos, or chips or lucky charms.

Definitely lucky charms. No doubt about it.

What’s the harm in a little detour right? The night was still young. I’m still young. Let’s get some!

I was pretty sure I knew where I was now. A few blocks up and I would be at my apartment complex.  There was a 7-eleven down the hill and I knew I could always count on that place to have lucky charms.

“Hey man how’s it going? Haven’t seen you here in a while? You doing alright?” the cashier recognized my face by now.

I came in here about two or three times a week whenever the munchies became too much to bear and my pantry just wasn’t satisfying.

“I’m good thanks. I’ve just been skating around and enjoying the winter break. How about you?” I made small talk from across the store in the cereal aisle. It was just him and I so I didn’t see the harm in yelling. Who cares?

“I’m doing pretty well. Why you out here so late?” He started to ring up my purchase. I hadn’t even made it to the counter yet but he knew what I usually came for.

Sometimes he’d even apply his own discount. Fine young man he is.

“Oh crap, what time is it? My phone’s dead.” I opened the box of Lucky Charms and dug in. Bon appetit.

“It’s about 2am. You’re lucky I’m even here.”

“Lucky indeed my friend” I raised the box of lucky charms to accompany my very impulsive and random pun.

He gave me a deep chuckle and a head shake.

“Get out of here man. Go home. Ill cover you for this.”

“Are you sure? I have the money.” See, such a gentlemen.

“Yeah. No worries.” He picked up a damp cloth and began to wipe down the glass around the counter.

“Aw man thanks. You’re the best.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, get outta here already.”

I winked at him and skated on out the door with a box of half eaten lucky charms in my hands.

 

  My apartment complex smelled like s**t. It was a Friday night so the whole place stunk of vomit, old garbage, and mold. The air was damp within the cold hallways and the lights flickered and buzzed capriciously.

The soft vibrations of music caused goosebumps on my skin. The more my high faded, the more reality began to sink it. I wasn’t really soaring anymore. I think I was just floating now. All these fluorescent lights killed my high. Plus the small heart attack I had while trying to remember my way home. 

I miss my lights.

Yeah, I spend more money on LED lights than I do on basic necessities.

F**k it though. When those black lights illuminate my posters and my white painted walls, all is right again. When the multicolored lights swirl around and pulse to the beat and melody of my music, everything makes sense. Everything is okay and reality is gone. I just kind of slip away into my mind and lose myself to myself.

Does that make sense? I lose who I am to the part of me in my head. F**k. It makes sense to me.

I took a deep breath before searching my pockets for my house key. Got it.

“Hey man where have you been!?” My roommates.

“Yeah what the hell. Where the f**k did you go off to?”

Ah yes, they’re so caring and compassionate.

Really though, they’re some pretty amazing people once you get to know them.

“I went to the beach with a friend. Smoked a little. Walked around a little. Then left, no worries.”

I wish that were true. If only that’s what really happened…

I propped my board up against the wall and walked over to sit on the couch.

“Nice. I still don’t see why you would plan a party here only to go off to some other party.” My roommate placed a few empty beer cans and vodka bottles on the floor in an untouched corner near the dining table.

I scanned the room for a second before answering. There was that telescope in the corner near a light colored guitar. The circular mark indented into the abused and stained carpet near my brother’s room. The wooden coffee table in the middle covered with red solo cups and a bag of weed. This was my place; this was my home. All the familiar smells and objects comforted me and prolonged my dwindling sense of euphoria from my high.

I cleared my throat.

“Well it looks like you all had a hell of a good time, all thanks to me of course. So even though I wasn’t physically present, spiritually, my presence was definitely partying with you as well. I figured you guys wouldn’t mind if I dabbled in other adventures.” I shrugged and kicked my feet up on the coffee table.

“Let me know next time.” My brother.

“My phone was dead” I stared at the gleaming lights and fell back into a daze with the psychedelic tones of the music.

I heard my brother snort and I could sense his eye roll. He was older. He’ll get over it.

 “Hey what band is this?” I fumbled through the lucky charms and picked out the marshmallows. I could be very picky at times plus marshmallows are dope.

“Uhh, I believe this is Glass Animals.” The roommate stepped outside to the balcony and stared at the sky.

“Nice. I like it.” I contemplated looking up the lyrics but decided otherwise. Sometimes discovering the lyrics to a song can distort a person’s individual perception and relation to the song. In the end it could cause someone to no longer relate to the words. And honestly, isn’t that what we all want?

To relate. To perceive something in our own mind and then live in a cloud of unknown happiness? Ignorance is bliss is it not? Isn’t that the saying?

“Hey you doing alright?”

“I am yes. Thank you. Why is everyone asking me that tonight?”

“Huh? Has someone else asked you that?”

S**t. I didn’t know I said that last bit aloud.

In all retrospect, I was growing a bit tired of this routine. I was growing a bit weary of the habit I’d fallen into. However, that pesky feeling of doubt and stress was starting to become unfortunately dawning as the effects of my previous high faded away. Still, I let it dissolve somewhere in the back of my mind and just like that, I forget all about it.

“It’s chill.” I tossed the conversation aside and carried on.

Why worry about a choice that’s already been made? Maybe tomorrow night I’ll do something different like cook.

I can cook. Cooking is fun. Steak is good. Onions however, pretty sure they’re the devil. Oh the sacrifices I make for good food.

“Well, great party man, but I got work tomorrow so I gotta head out.” 

We all chorused our goodnights and I watched his black hair disappear into the hallway to the room we share.

There was only four of us here. Only two bedrooms. Just enough people for the space of this apartment. Parties got a little cramped and intimate at times but hey, they were still a success.

“I think I should head to bed too. Can you clean up?” My brother asked me.

I sighed.

“Yeah sure. It’s good.” I ate another handful of Lucky Charms and slowly watched my brothers’ lanky body walk into his room and close the door.

Just me now. I guess around 1am is when things start to die down. By then the alcohol is gone and everyone starts to get groggy. I’m a night owl though. 2am was nothing to me.

2am is like the beginning of round 2. Pun intended.

In all seriousness though, I just liked the quiet. I enjoyed the empty space around me where the only heat I could feel was coming from bright lightbulbs and not strangers’ bodies.

However, I was given an assignment. To “clean up.” That usually meant tossing any leftover red cups, doing the dishes, and straightening up the living room. All this analytical thinking only proves to me that I am officially no longer high. Shame. Unfortunate really.

While picking up a few empty chip bags I tripped over the leg of the coffee table.

I laughed quietly at myself. I may have tripped but I’m no longer trippin.

Bad joke. I tried.

Well, after a few minutes of shuffling around the apartment to clean, things looked…decent. The Game of Thrones themed shot glasses were cleaned and put away until the next gathering of lost souls.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind meeting new people and all but there’s only so many ‘stranger bodies’ I can take before I feel alone in a crowd.

I sat on the couch and turned off the lights. Now it truly was just me. The whoosh of cars passing underneath the balcony and the small chatter of people in the hallway created a haunting tone to the night.

I had to go back.

I cracked open the doors to check that my roommates’ were all asleep.

Indeed they were. All of them were sound asleep. They didn’t even flinch when I closed the door.

I grabbed my board and tucked my phone into my front pocket of my jeans.  The air outside welcomed me with a frigid hug of yearning.

I loved it out here. Clear skies, cold air nipping at my exposed skin. The way my lungs desperately fill with oxygen as I skated down the roads and headed for the trolley station. I almost felt like I was cheating death.

When it was just me, gliding down at speeds that are probably unsafe, the rush of adrenaline is enough.

It was enough.

The slight shake of the ground informed me that the trolley had arrived.

It was warm in here. Kinda stuffy. The odors around me weren’t as prominent. I was used to it now. it was almost comforting in a way.

Almost. Not really, but almost.

I sat down and popped my headphones into my ear and looked up the band that I heard earlier.

Good s**t.

I went over where I needed to exit from. Which stop I had to take. I had made a 360 and ended up right where I started again.

The sudden smell of perfume brushed my senses.

Hmmm? I remember that smell from before. This time, I looked up.

She had on a black sweater and faded blue jeans. Her light brown hair was pulled back into a messy bun and she was chewing on licorice while reading Hollywood’s latest gossip.

I smirked to myself. She was cute.

Her eyes met mine for a few seconds. They were brown and distant.

Maybe she’s running away from something too.

Maybe she’s on the trolley because she has to go back as well.

We all wanna go back but, it’s not as easy as taking a trolley.

F**k. I’m overthinking.  I desperately wish I had some drugs right now to take away these annoying thoughts. Who cares where she’s going.

I don’t.

Maybe she’s content like I am.

Yeah, that’s it I told myself.

This is life. This is me. I’m content.

Author's Note

I did not place any names on the characters because i wanted you to create your own image of them. I wanted their actions to paint a picture in your mind. Its all very dizzy and hazy but then again that is what this is about. There is definitely a bigger picture to all of this.