Victory on All SidesA Story by Jasmine This is the story of my life. This story gives details on how I was a young girl who experienced abandonment, street life, depression, & close to death. Lastly, it stresses how forgiveness is relevant
Table of Contents Chapter 1………………………….. The Family Church Chapter
2…………………………My Childhood Chapter 2…………………………..I’m Not who they Say I am Chapter 3…………………………..The Separation Chapter 4…………………………The Rejection Chapter 5……………………….From Rags to riches, Riches to Rags Chapter 5…………………………..That’s When I Knew I was Called Chapter 6………………………….. Chapter 7…………………………..Mary Magdalene Chapter 8 ………………Girl You Can’t do That Chapter 9………………I’m Not a church Hopper, I’m Just Hungry Chapter 10……………..Moving in Silence. Chapter 11……………A new level of boldness Chapter 12…………....I See Me and I See You (transparency) Chapter 13……………. Planted Like a Tree by the River Chapter 14……………., Weapon of Mass Destruction Chapter 15……………..Can’t Stand to see you blessed Chapter
16…………….. StandAnyhow
Forward I
want to first and foremost thank God who is the head of my life. Who created
me, formed me, and knew me even before I was in my mother’s womb. He made me
the woman, mother, and daughter I am today.His gentle hand was patient with me
as he guided me into all truth. I thank God for my children whom I desired to
have. My two girls and two boys; Nevaeh, Symone,Omarion, and Avionn All
talented and anointed with gifts that I enjoy listening to as they go forth in
them every day. My children changed my world and inspre me to never give
up.It’s all for them.My mother who pushed me from day one to be the best I
could be and always encouraging my gifts to come forth in every situation. I
thank God for my spiritual parents Apostle Dexter and his lovely wife Pastor Shaunna
Ball who trained, mentored, covered, who also played a major part of who I am
today. RNevertheless, where would
I be without those trials, tribulations, enemies, and naysayers today if I
hadn’t of had them make me go harder every day to do God’s will for my life!
After all, I wrote the book to inspire others to have victory no matter what
you go through on every side! If you are in a bind now, just know there will be
glory after this!
Chapter 1
My childhood I was born and raised in Elgin, IL as well as
living in Missouri as an infant and toddler and we came back to Elgin, IL. I
grew up in a house with 5 of my sisters including me being the middle child; we
traveled with my mother moving around a lot. My mother told me I was a quiet
and happy child with a big imagination. I enjoyed be the leader of my little
sister s and cousins witty inventions we would make. Sure we played hopscotch,
tag, double Dutch, jumping in colorful red, yellow, and orange leaves in the
fall, bike riding, but we made huge forts pretending we were in our own world.
Nevertheless, as I’m writing this, my mind is going back while my heart is
smiling because that was a sure time of peaceful tranquility for me. During
this time as a child my grandmother and her mother all had their children and
children’s children living in this big 14 room home with three floors. This
house even had rooms my relatives made up into extra bedrooms for our other
family members. Talk about fun with your cousins every day, it was much
laughter between us. I can remember parties, family Sunday dinners, As a
child for me there was no problems, no preparation for a will to die; even
though today many innocent children deaths out of control a whole other story,
no worries about bills, no caution about time, no dissatisfaction about any
adult decision, for I simply . I laugh because I know I’m not the only child
that felt that way back in those times. As a child it back in the 90’s I was
stress free and still innocent of the atmosphere around me. Man I remember a
time where I could run up and down the street to my friend’s house and my
family knew that it was safe to be outside. Nevertheless, my little sister and
cousin and I always made sure we ran back up the hill before the street lights
came on. The way we played is like the adults didn’t exist until they told us
to come eat. However, there were times were we as cousin couldn’t stand each
other, but that only lasted for a split second. Those were the days a child
could imagine and be someone that I wanted who I admired. I was very protecting of my loved
ones. I didn’t enjoy them crying. I didn’t enjoy them being hurt or
disappointed. I was always willing to go there if anyone was to try to hurt
them or confront them negatively. There was nothing major I thought had took
place before I was born, but within myself I had a thing with wanting to unfold
untold stories. I never personally seen things take place, but I had gut
feeling like tension was being suppressed by the laughter of us children.
However, we as children, adults would think “what do we know? Some things may have been controlled Family
gatherings I have such a love for my sisters that it is
indescribable. I am very close with them, but mostly close with the younger
ones under because of course we were close in age. Close in age meant between
us younger ones there was a lot of disagreements, spankings from mom, arguments
such as “she’s wearing my clothes”, and invading the space of the others by tip
toeing in their rooms. Oh the joys of wearing your new earring and your new
clothes I thought as a teenager. It
wasn’t to long before we began to bust each other out in public. My sister
would make statement like “mom, tell her to take off my earrings” and of course
I would just sit there and have a clueless look on my face as though she was
seeing things. Thinking more into it, when my mother was on the phone handeling
business, we saw that as a window of opportunity to get at each others throats.
Oh I laugh at that because we carried these senseless arguments out and neither
one of us would back down or give in. I thought to my sisters, I’m right and
you’re wrong. Crazy to say, but even if I was wrong, I still held my verdict
and always came up with a logical explanation as to why you had no point.
Regardless, to the fact when we did have brawl outs they wouldn’t last long. My
sisters and I would began talking shortly thereafter. My mom would get so
frustrated with us arguing over little things. Sometime she would sit in her
room and listen to us go forth in who was wearing whose clothes or who was in
whose room until she would get fed up and go come after us. Oh, better believe
when my mother got to that point of no return, oh somebody was going to get it.
As we heard her coming our way, somebody was the bigger person to be quiet or
my other sibling would play sleep. Laughing at the way my mother use to try to
go off would bring us back together. For those who have brothers and sister
know what I’m talking about. One thing I will say is we had
creative minds in our early teen years when it came to dressing. We would mix
and match clothes, hair, jewelry and then receive compliments on how
fashionable we look. People would ask what store we got our attire from, but it
was hard to answer because we created our clothes. Nevertheless, like any other
teenage girl would think “umm, no excuse me, I don’t want you dressing like
me.”Oh yes, all my sisters and I had style! We definitely made a statement every
day, but it wasn’t to please others. However, we loved to show our creativity.
Our mother definitely had a nitch of dressing stunning and so that habit we
picked up. Hey what’s a girl to do these days with endless opportunities of
clothes in all four of my sisters rooms. The way I looked at it is, I had five
sisters including my me then my mom, so that means I had 6 closets! Oh yes, I
did! I would get bored easy with my own clothes, so I would go into my sisters
belongs and switch up a bit to show my level of creativity. Of course that risk
included consequences, but I was willing to risk it all to be cute for the day.
Like Simba said from the Lion King “I laugh in the face of danger”. However, my
mother wouldn’t laugh, she was coming to put an end to the storm I created in
the house. I love my mother because of who she is and
desired to be to her children every day. Nevertheless, I noticed that our past
can get in the way of future relationships and whether we know it or not. Others
can pick up on our emotions. It is written in books and known by experience
that children can pick up on peoples attitudes and it can affect them greatly
good or bad. Some adults know this is true, so they undergo a lot of counseling
so there children won’t have to suffer with their demons. However, some parents
know it, but they disregard to lose the demon of their childhood. Eventhough I
was young, I picked on others emotions as though I was them. I knew our family
had a certain area that wasn’t dealt with it, and I was eager to search it out
Like any other family, we had hard times within her as a mother struggling to
get over childhood things and find herself. I saw her trying to pull herself
together to be a mother and to shield us from what she experienced, and secrets
were being kept that ate away at her that kept her from loving us as deep as
she needed too. I always knew that secrets and things brushed under the rug
could hurt or help a person like myself by watching the example around me;
which was my mother and many other adults. Don’t get me wrong we had a lot of
joy in our childhoods growing up with my sisters and cousins. Our family
consisted of my grandmothers and her children things were pretty much ok. As I
write this part of my book I can just smell the fresh air of 1990’s. The good outweighed the bad for many years.
Moreover, the time I hit fourteen, that’s when things changed for the worst.
Those few years of my emotional rollercoaster, abandonment, and me trying to
find my way as a fresh teen seemed like forever, yet it was only for a split
second. That split second altered my life. To prevent myself from decaying and
wallowing in my tears, I choose everyday to have a different mindset. I choose
to break whatever seemed to be a stronghold I kept telling myself I will not
carry these burdens, especially the ones that are not mine. The burdens that
haunted others were making me view others in the way they did. I thought wait a
minute, they din’t do anything to me”! As a parent, it is so important that you
don’t allow your children to see or hear certain things. Our children don’t
need to know everthing. Even if what happened was true, don’t release it unless
prayer is the motive. If it doesn’t hurt them or affect them then close the
door on that chapter. I want to let children know that you
should never disrespect your elders or parents. However, if they bring more
sorrow to your life about different people and their situation and force you to
live out their hates then talk to them.It’s not right and it’s not fair for you
to have to repeat it. If that doesn’t work pull back to keep your sanity. SO
many times relatives can throw guilt trips on their children. However, the word
talk about being manipulated in the book of. God let’s us know Parents and
grandparents, give your child a chance to live. Forgive yourself then ask the
Lord Jesus Christ to forgive you. Unforgiveness comes from past hurts that
slowly kills everyone. Unforgiveness is a silent gas. . I knew deep inside
that this thing was deeper than my eyes could see.However I knew that that was
not going to be my road. Growing up I didn’t have my mother and father as close
to me as I needed them to be in my life. However they were there physically,
but after the age of 14 the relationships went downhill. They meant well and
they did what they could as parents, but they were still fighting battles from
their childhood. As a young girl, I now know that it is
important to have a mother and father present and active in their daughters and
sons lives because the security begins at home. Things children should be
exposed to are; the security in knowing who has your back, the training on how
to be a lady, how to manage money, how to pay your bills, and the teaching on
the birds and the bees. Mothers and fathers are the first to show their growing
children life skills. Fathers are to love their children by example.
Love is more than words, but it’s actions. Love doesn’t just teach, but it leads
by example of what it teaches; otherwise you can’t be taken seriously. Fathers
are to exemplify what kind of love life their daughters will accept. On the
contrary, fathers are to show their sons how to be a man. Fathers are to show
their sons how to go to work, how to sacrifice, how to be wedded to one woman,
how to respect women, and make prayer the number one priority every day. Fathers are fathers when your child gives you
that title. The bible speaks on how a woman is praised and her children rise up
and call her blessed! I believe this goes for fathers as well. What you do on a
daily basis, your children will only repeat what they see. Sadly, some parents
want their children to lie in front of crowds of people on how good they were,
but in the back of that child’s mind they hear a stranger talking fluff. “ A leader is not a leader until
people are voluntarily following you”.
~Jasmine White~ There are instincts that you get when
you know you have a child. For example, sea turtles are born on dry land, but
the moment they’re born they swiftly move to the water. When dogs and cats are
born they don’t eat their child. These creatures naturally know what is right
and what’s wrong. These species know to nurture their species instantly. They
don’t give their child away when it gets hard and pick them up when they feel
like it. This is all a part of taking them for granted because they didn’t ask
to be here. Now, that they are born we have children defending themselves in
this cold world. My question to you is, will this book help you change? Will it
help you see from your child’s perspective? Maybe not, but if it does for some
your child will thank you for at least changing midway through their lives Being a
parent is not easy, we know. Babies don’t come with manuals, we know that as
well. Nevertheless, we as human beings have to do better in being parents. Our
natural instincts to be effective parents can be blocked by unresolved an issue
that soon creates a selfish human being. Girls need their fathers, otherwise,
there will be premature adults growing up into this world still searching for
that void to be filled. Healthy children growing up in healthy homes produce
healthy adults. Both parents are essential to a child’s growth physically,
emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Nevertheless, to have that mother
figure around when you have those feelings about boys was essential considering
my dad wasn’t as involved to show me the right kind of love. This may not be
true for all, but the love that would keep a young girl from exploring the
world for love was little to none. The saying “ do as I say and not as I do I knew the presence of a father in the home
decreases the chances of girls in the home to seek love early on in life. What
others said about my father was something I didn’t want to believe until I
began to see certain things that they mentioned. I didn’t know how to handle
what I saw in the mishandling women, flaunting money, and his bragging on the many kids. I guess me
trying to suppress the truth in his outward appearance didn’t work.
Nevertheless, he did dress nice, and it made me feel proud of who he was. Even
when men disrespected me verbally or physically he was ready to harm them. In
my head I needed more than a soldier. Eventhough I heard him say I love you to
many people, I couldn’t take his love for me seriously. I tried to embrace the
words and actions, but it sometimes came off as tarnished. When it came to the rape that happened when I
was 14 years old, I felt alone. Not to mention I just lost my innocence a year
before that’s when I saw my dad’s anger come forth. I saw him threaten these
men with a gun. I saw and heard of him passing the word around that he was
going to go after the one who hurt his beloved. He cried as he spoke to my
former pastor with a gun in his back pocket every day regretting everything. My
father was known for always dressing sharp as a knife with his tailor made
suits and gator shoes. This is not a stereotype, but his appearance was his
profession. The pimp life is what he did. I heard stories everyday on how the
game was and eventually I got curious However, on the other hand, as a young preteen
I was dying for attention. I was eager to see and be apriority in his life, but
I understood or at least I tried to. Hiding beinSeeing women he had around at
different times or at the same time distorted my thinking about what a family
man looked like. The first male figure a girl sees is her father. Whether he is
doing good or bad, she is still watching his every move. The love a mTo have a
mother around during my teenage years when I needed it the most was the time my
perspective on families have drastically changed as well. Married to a man who
cared for us a little bit, but I really suffered losing my parents emotionally
due to things they had that were taunting them that they hadn’t dealt with that
would As a baby my mother said that I
was one whom seem to discern people from kids to adults at a young age. When I was in my mother’s womb until the time
I was born, I picked on peoples ora whether it was good or bad. I know that my
mother had a hard time trying to get my dad to come see me because my
grandmother didn’t like for him to be around my mother or me because of the
hell my mom had been through. Like any other mother, why wouldn’t a mother
protect their baby from what could be a hinderance as a daughter. However, my grandfather was trying to be the
good guy for my dad and take me to him by sneaking me pass my grandmother in a
carseat to see my dad. Those who wanted him to see me would find little plots
and plans for him to see me even if it took the risk of getting put out our big
family home. My dad was telling me he remembered the times they would take me
to see him that I began to cry like somebody pinched me. I believe this had a
lot to do with the stress my mother felt while she was pregnant with me or
certain conversations while I was in the womb had me felling uneasy around him
and he never knew why. My dad was on the road a lot with his models, brothers,
and friends doing fashion shows and traveling for the heck of it in limos, but
I never felt that genuine father figure because he was always on the go or was
going through other issues within himself.
The Family Church Sundays were fun
because our whole family went to church. My great grandmother Sarah started
Saint Paul Baptist church in her home many years ago and to this very day it is
still up and running faithfully. The same faithful few that has been there
since the beginning while other came and went are still there operating in the
ministry. Even when I visit I still walk
in to breath in coffee, peppermints, and donuts. I love the smell of the coffee, peppermints,
and donuts on a good Sunday morning. The aroma was irresistible because it
takes me back to those days everytime.When
was a child, I thought to myself,
this is another day to getting more donuts than my little cousins and sisters,
but there was that older cousin that would tap my hand when they saw me getting
more than what I needed. So I thought to myself I got a plan. Since the
bathroom was located in the back of the church along with the kitchen, I had to
use the bathroom every 10 minutes just to grab a donut. Nobody was going to
stop me from conquering the donuts. These funny and happy moments are where
memories took place. Sunday’s were another part place a for fellowship for us
to get together as a family. It was a lot of us. Just
imagine over 30 plus people walking in the church at the same time. Yes, that
was our family walking in navigating through the church to get things set up
before the people arrived. We made up 85% of the church in a huge noticeable
way. Our church is where everyone showed love and Sunday dinners were always
expected afterwards. There were people
who were loved by my great grandmother that she called her very own that came
to the house of God. Everyone had different reasons why they came to church
like today, but I believe some came to get some of my granny’s good ole
cooking! When Easter came round, my mom always
had us irresistibly adorable. I and my sister were looking like little china
dolls who were made just for the shelves. I had thick black long hair that was
pressed out that morning, but was bushy before we left church. I loved I had
the ruffle shocks and ruffle stocking by my bottom, the long princess dress
with the sweater half jacket in case we got cold ( my mother always thought we
were cold),and my little purse over my shoulders. I felt so dazzled as a little
girl. However, I was the rough one out of all my sisters. MY mother would dress me up so nice, but I
would come out of my clothes so fast, so as time went on she began spending
less time on dazzling me up. Can you believe that? Me being the rough one to
not really care for my appearance like my mom, but kids will be kids! Our Christmases were limitless
toys. My mother always gave us musical instruments. She invested in our gifts that
we had in our little bellies. She bought 5 microphones, tambourines, guitars,
and drums. She always overflowed us with gifts that poured us into our lives in
the future. She believed in training us up in the way that we should go, so
when we got older, we wouldn’t depart from it. Like any other normal kid, we
got toys here and there that were barbies and coloring books, but my mother saw
past the temporal things. She saw greatness. She was flowing with the plan of
God on our lives she was building us up in the spirit even though I had no clue
of it. My mother and five sisters and I lived in Popular Creek. We would sing
downstairs in our basement acting like we were the group “En vogue” who were in
at that time real popular. As sisters we would sing and act silly in the
basement, but we all had singing in common if nothing else. I would go the
extra mile and get some music going with my tambourine. My mom knew to by me
a tambourine every year due to me
busting it. Anytime I did something. I always gave it my all in all. The more I played the more I became familiar
with it. I began enjoying my skills I bought forth in it. As I played, I felt
like another side of me was getting stirred up in the music ministry. This was
a talent and gifts that was being practiced to one day get better. I practiced
at home and I constantly practiced in the church perfecting my skills. So, I
began to be more curious about instruments and their uniqueness because they
struck a happy in me I never knew I had in me. Realistically, the older and
more mature I became in the word of God, I began to realize that I was not of
this world. ***the last
paragraph in this chapter (our Christmas)*** I’m
Not who they Say I am
The separation I can’t really say when I fell in
love with music, but I can say it was like a natural instinct to love it when I
heard it. It’s like my soul and spirit knew what it was. It just took my brain
a minute to catch up. Overall, It wasn’t just music to me, but it was life in
it. I knew deep in my soul I was always a musician. It brought me to the
scripture when God told Jeremiah in Jeremiah in 29:11 “I know the plans I have
for you and before you were formed I knew you. This let me know that what I am
discovering is new to me, but predestined by God. I knew my love for music was
deeper than what others felt surface! When it came to the cords and
sounds, I would hysterically fall on the ground and my friends would laugh.
Certain sounds produce certain atmospheres and I didn’t know how to handle
heavenly sounds. This is a good thing! It would seriously make me fall in a
joking matter or stand there holding my head thinking “my God”!. Being a praise
dance teacher, the teams understood their teacher name was Mrs. Bananas and I
was okay with that! I really appreciate the ear for music that God has given
me. Not many people has an ear for me music and they tell me they cannot sing, and that’s why I use
it more often than normal. I use it for others too. My heavenly father knew that music went with
my creative personality. not to mention He knew it would touch lives and break
yokes for His name sake! Yes, I was in love with instruments as a young girl
and I knew it would change my life somehow, but I didn’t know when to what
degree. Eventually, my worship and praise turned to prophetic singing. That is
a whole other realm that only a relationship with God could get you. God
releases his mysteries to his people, I play the drums as an adult from time
to time when I visited churches and when they were in need of a drummer. When I would play, my creative sounds in my
head would churn. I thought to run some riffs, but I didn’t think that was the
time to practice and mess up in front of hundreds of people. I was so confident
on anyone’s drums that I thought I was going to get Sheila E on the people
every time I saw a lot of hats. Humorous statement, but I wanted to always
operate in God in the fullness of what He gave me to do. Anytime I would visit
a church and they had a need, I always had the desire to just fall in place to
help. There is not one gift that is more important than the other. The most
important gift is the one needed at that time. Even though I was a minister,
choir director and praise and worshipper leader, I was never too high to not
get dirty. In fact, being a servant of Christ is serving people not getting
served. My saying is getting in where you fit in!
I enjoyed playing with different people
because it was such an experience that I learned from whether good or bad. I
always been a girly girl, but when I played I felt like one of the guys.
Nevertheless, I always had to take a powder brake to freshen up to get my
pretty back right. I mostly played the drums and never had a huge interest in
other instruments. I tried other instruments, but the drums seemed much easier
for me. However, if God gifted me to play those other instruments, I would be
doing it! On the other hand, I do enjoy listening to others as they go forth in
music. I have played other instruments
like the trumpet, baratone, and the organ a little bit, but I never pursued it.
Thinking now, if I kept practicing the bass, drums, and organ, I would be somewhere
playing professionally, but I am totally okay with the lane I am in. When I watch others play them, I
sense so much freedom in the flow However when I sense carnality; there was no
love or anointing. My eyes didn’t become open to that until, I read the
scriptures of God. Scriptures like those
who worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth! This scripture simply
says “Flesh cannot please God”. There is no other way around operating in gifts
or simply worshipping God. So if I played the drums or sung, I had to make sure
I was in the spirit of God.
If I wasn’t playing then I was singing and as I sung I felt the Holy
Spirit give me what to say in the same way I played the instruments. Even
though I was young I knew the power of God was so powerful where it pushed you
to live right and have some accountability and conviction when you do things
for God in or outside the church. I felt the powerful words that came from my
mouth made me live out the weight of what I was singing because unbelievers and
believers were moved by it and I didn’t want to treat my gift like a joke. I
never wanted to be the kind of singer for God where I accept all praise and
applause, but I never live out what I sing. In fact the more and more I played
and watched the lives of the musicians, I thought to myself are the musicians
exempt from living holy and righteous to? Are they exempt from being loving,
kind, and showing temperance? Even though I knew the answer, that thought of
concern always popped in my head. I grew up hearing nothing but great musicians,
singers, and ministers, but I always looked behind the curtain after their
performances to really see how they lived. The very things I would see and hear
was the reason why people didn’t like to go to church. As ministers of the
gospel we are held accountable for what we do and don’t do. We are responsible
to always walk in the fruit of the spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23. How I
overcame this is I continued to walk in the ways of the Lord and show the love
of God. One thing that would boggle me as a 9
and 10 year old girl as far as I could remember back was when musicians would
play for choirs and leave when it was time for the word. At a young age it
would grieve me to see this disrespectful gesture take place. Not only was it
disrespectful to their leaders, but it was to God. It’s was like the word was
boring and not that relevant. I would think God where is the hunger and thirst
to hear your word, but God showed me that many scriptures in the bible that
there was no hunger and thirst after righteousness. He also showed me that my
people were so caught up on their problems where I became irrelevant. He also
showed me carnality has taken over them. Their carnal ways It reminds me of the
scriptures in Matthew 15:8 where it says these people draweth nigh unto me with
their lips; but their heart is far from me. Many worship in song, play the instruments,
and quote the scripture, but don’t live the scripture. You may ask “why is it
important to live holy and righteously? The answer is because god’s word says
no flesh can glory in his presence. So if we want to be heard by God and smell
good in His nostrils, we must die to self! It’s one thing to strive to live holy every
day, yet it’s another thing to think the way you live is okay and dare someone
to confront you. To be a child of God is to have humility and compassion. So,
when we do approach these situations, it should always be with the right motive
in seeing that individual be better. Secondly it should come across in love the
same way Jesus came to us in our The word of God tells us also in 1 Peter 1:16
to be holy for He is holy. Nevertheless, the Lord speaks in Leviticus 11:44
telling us to consecrate ourselves and live holy there as well. It was placed
in the old and New Testament to let us know that His word still means what it
says. It wasn’t just for those who walked with Jesus in the bible days before
it was written, but it still stands for us to live by today. The spirit of God is so important because
it teaches us to have What I saw growing up was people who
were always in the for front in the church that were privileged to do such
things whenever they felt like it. I was amazed to see some leaders I was under
be okay with their double living wicked lives they accepted from the leaders
they appointed. This was just to have musicians, choir directors, and ministers.
We have to trust that God will bring us the help that we need. We have to trust
that when the separation takes place. Those who are following you will know
there has been a climate shift in the atmomsphere. There is hope! The heart of God gives us time to
repent and get back in line, so God can accept our praise! Some
leaders felt because they needed music that they would accept any person to
play on sacred instruments. To me, just like the pulpit is sacred, so are the
instruments along with the whole church building and anything of God. People of
God no matter if you have to go without in the congregations that are okay. As
long as you are setting order and standards in God’s house which is simply what
God has required of the angels of his house. Moses, David, Solomon along with
all the other greats in the bible were all responsible for overseeing
everything in God’s temple. Nothing and no one was to be out of uniform and
place. I saw this and I still see this
today in God’s house, but I believe that He is raising up a people that don’t
mind being separated from the world’s way of praising to God’s true way of
worship. I hear Him telling you to come out from among them and be separated. No more empty
praising or empty words coming from God’s temple. God’s temple considers our
bodies and the actual churches of today. It’s like no one feared God. They were into
getting high fives, screams of admiration, and groupies instead of getting
heavenly recognition. I scratched my head at all of this that took place in the
house of God. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t saying was an angel, but I knew the
heart beat of God. I knew what grieved His spirit because the Holy Spirit was
in me.I couldn’t find me looking over that or ignoring what God revealed to me.
I thought God that has to be a dangerous place to be in. I know when those
don’t fear God especially as leaders, that are not a good place to be in. It’s
like people who operated more in God’s house cared more of what people saw them
doing in God’s house rather in their own homes when no one was watching. I knew
that God had a huge calling on my life and I also knew that in that, He was
going to do some huge separating. I knew I was called to pray for His church
get back into God.Nevertheless, I knew I was called out to be different. Times I would just go home after a
church service or concert and just cry unto God without even knowing why I was
weeping. I believe then God was molding my heart the more, sharpening my
discernment more, giving me a heart for his people, showing me what not to do,
and teaching me to remain humble. That was the glory in that situation. Later on down the line when I began to
follow God’s commandments, practicing his word, and, going forth with a high zeal in him that sometimes
irritated carnal Christians. It got to the point when I went to play the drums,
the musicians would hide the drum sticks. They would watch me as I was on a
search to find them. I thought “God I knew the separation was taking place. I
knew that I was different and my difference would expose the lie. Not only did
I experience the drum situation, but I experienced that when it was time to
sing. Whenever my pastor would do altar call, I would retrieve to the mic to
sing as he prayed for people and they wouldn’t cut the microphone on or they
would turn it down real low. I would spend at least half of the altar call
trying to flag people down to cut it on. I would do it in a non distractful
way, so the attention wouldn’t be on me making hand gestures. I wouldn’t allow
the enemy to get the victory, so I would continue to sing and pray in my mind. I
was thinking Lord, I won’t allow these stiff neck people to stop the anointing
from flowing in this sanctuary. I wasn’t the only one this happened to. There
were other anointed singers as well. I look at some of them today and some have
gone far in god’s will and it is beautiful to see god’s true anointed push past
the tests of life. However, some have fallen and given up on their callings.
Let me inform you. When things like this happens it could wound your soul and
discourage you because it’s a constant fight with people whom are religiously
caught up in their own motives. However, you can overcome this! I battled this
a lot and I overcame it because I ignored it. It’s risky when you confront it. Now
some situations I did confront those who kept turning the microphone down, but
it did no good. They were getting a lot of the info to do so by those who
opposed of any singer. Now many people would probably ask me “why didn’t I tell
them off”, but I didn’t want them to get any pleasure off of me addressing an
issue they knew was there. No matter what any man on earth did in the church I
resided, I knew in my spirit they couldn’t close any door by God that He has
opened! They couldn’t even pray it closed! My Lord! What God has blessed,let no man curse it! Ministers of the
word, remember this, eventually, whatever their plans are of evil, God will
always turn it around for your good. God is our vindicator and we should never
have to fight for what God has promised us. Singers, musicians and ministers
don’t get discouraged! Stand firm on what God has promised you. stay like a
tree planted by the rivers of water. Don’t allow others to make you get out of
character. Remember, you will always have to go through a process to get
stronger and wiser! The best in God are not made over night. He wants to test
our faith to see if we can take a hit for the kingdom. God makes His leaders go through things so
they can see the strength, hunger, and tenacity themselves. He wants to builds
endurance and perseverance in His people because this Christian race will get
us to the end. When you get connected to God, you will realize the joy of the
Lord is truly your strength to do all He requires of you. His joy is your
strength to carry out his will for your life and that no one can take from you! The enemy tried to
knock me off my square, but my reputation as a servant of God is one who never
gave up on the will of God, no matter how high the turbulence in the spiritual
realm. With myself,
sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. We can be our own worst critique.
sOmetimes we can think too deep and find things in others that are not there as
well. The glory in this
was my character was built in God. My patience was tried and tested and I
failed a few times,but I passed in the end to go to the next level and
dimension in God.God taught me how to remain humble in uncertain situations.He
taught me to pray for others. Most
importantly, he opened my eyes spiritually on his people. In that I gained much
wisdom through this life experience Overall, all these instruments put together
played by anointed musicians is a sound like no other music we here on earth. I
have also enjoyed singing while musicians play, but as a young child I still
knew the difference between anointed musicians and musicians who lived double
lives. The Rejection As far back as I could remember, I
have been the kind of person where I didn’t mind being by myself. I didn’t feel
offended because I had my own agenda to be in my room visualizing my future.
When the out crowd wanted to go left, I would go right. It wasn’t to be in the
anti social or mean, I was the kind of child and teenager to enjoy my own
presence. Being by myself included dreaming, singing
From Rags to riches and Riches to Rags HOMELESS TESTIMONY: I was homeless at the age
of 14 years old and the reason I survived in the streets is because God was
with me. I was 14 years old, but I had the mind of an 18 year old. I was mature
for my age. I knew the main streets and the side streets to stay as far as I
could from danger. I was responsible for my younger siblings eating and getting
to school on time every day. As my sisters and I struggled with abandonment, we
still went to school, fellowshipped at church, and were members at the Boys and
Girls Club of Elgin where most of our joy came from. Psalm 94: 14 let me know
that God will not abandon his children and this is where my positivity came
from! I continued going to church and singing in the choir as well as an active
youth leader. When people thought I should be sad, I was not. Everything was
not all peachy, but around certain times I would have to hide my true feelings.
Constantly, we would get starred down by people and many knew our living
situation, but rarely anyone wanted to help us eat or have a well rested place
to sleep at night. Some came to me and portrayed as though they wanted to help
me and it would hurt me because they got to close to know us then turned to be
wolves in sheep clothing. At this point of my life I couldn’t trust anyone.
However, I prayed to God asking that he give me an answer because of our
situation. Then that’s when I had the courage to approach members at my church
and asked if my siblings could have a place to stay. I chose to be the one left
out because they were so young. By us being so young, I thought many would
assist, yet God was the only one to help us in our times of trouble. As people
from the family and church took them in, I spent my days and nights walking the
streets of Elgin sometimes from sun up to sun down. I would sleep in the parks,
in gas station and bathroom restaurants, and a few times at my church. I cried
asking God “why me”. I spent my days visiting my siblings to see how they were
doing. There were days I would visit my siblings and I know that God was on my
life because I was getting rejected by those they stayed with. Rejection was
big to me back then, but now I see the joy in rejection! In the book of Pslam
34:17-20 it talks about our afflictions and how God will deliver us out of them
all. God did it for me! I cam e out as pure gold! Upon entering in a home, I
would take my shoes off as a courtesy; I would get scolded as they thought I
wanted to stay the night, or forever perhaps. Just to sit on a couch and lay
across a bed while I watched my sister do her hair was longest 15 minutes ever.
I would see the owner of the house get antsy as to when I was leaving. Upon
leaving after an hour, I would leave with a smile, but tears running from my
heart. Instantly, I felt a thrust a God’s love wrapped around me like a cocoon.
I walked out with the peace of God over my heart to comfort me because I almost
lost it! God truly strengthened me to keep on pressing because it was going to
be a day where things were going to be restored! I held on to the scripture Weather the storm!
I’m Not Who They say I am INSTITUITIONS TESTIMONY: *Between the ages of
10- 14, I was seeing a doctor for years and I was described medication to wake
up easily and go to bed peacefully. I was seeing a counselor for depression and
behavior issues. The moment I was getting misunderstood, I wanted to commit
suicide. I started out by cutting myself then I thought that wasn’t quick
enough. So, then I thought about jumping off the Fox River Bridge, but that
never succeeded because it was like I was feeling hell waiting on me felt
something pulling me back! There were times I wish I didn’t wake up and I even
pictured myself in a casket because I was fed up. These were one of the factors
that led me living in mental institutions on and off up until I was 15 years of
age. Having to confess that I had problems in the institution, I never wanted
too because I believed different. I believed that I was made in God’s image
despite my act outs. People would purposely tell lies or over exaggerate to get
me back into the hospital and they always succeeded. I saw that I was a burden
to my family. As a teen I tried to stay positive. I never had a voice in the
situation. Doctors would have meetings on me to try to figure out what was
wrong with me, but as a teen all I wanted was attention, love, and prayer. If
they were to ever take the time to ask that’s the true answer I wanted to give!
* The victory is when I got healed, delivered and set free in 2009! I became a
member in faithwalk Harvest center where I received my prescription from the altar.
During my quiet times at home in prayer and worship, I got free in this new
level of praise. I didn’t care who looked at me because I wanted to get free
from depression, hate, hurt, rejection, fear, and always being the victim.
Layer by layer, God tore away all these feelings. Today, I am confident, bold,
fearless, diligent, and compassionate as a woman of might! SCHOOL TESTIMONY: In school I barely
received an “A” on my report card. I hated to see the tests come back. I didn’t
like to even try to take tests. I was so disturbed and dealt with so much
emotionally that school was another headache. It wasn’t my attendance, but it
was my lack of trying to do the work. I was afraid to get something wrong. I
didn’t feel smart. All I heard was she can’t do this she can’t do that for many
years! Looking a my school report cards now, would make someone look at me in
shock! Now, I have a high school diploma from Larkin High school. I have a
diploma in Theology and biblical studies and I graduated with a 4.0 G.P.A. I am
currently pursuing my degree in Psychology. In order to achieve this I had to
pace myself, not take on too much, ask for help, and I encouraged myself in the
Lord! Gowing up in church: I was a young girl who spent her days and nights and
church. I was there as often as the pastor was just enjoying the air and the
presence of God. The pastor didn’t mind me taking to clear my head in the
church. This was my place of peace. Anytime I was misunderstood, I would run
away to the church to get comfort. Anger: I got delivered from anger that I
wore on the inside of me, but never released it until the wrong times. I was
short tempered, feisty, with a huge attitude, rude, straightforward, and
disrespectful teenager that would endanger anything in my way. Going to school
fighting and arguing with teachers because I had to prove myself and keep
people that cared away from me because this was my wall of defense. Today, I
thank God He delivered me from all these strongholds that would’ve eventually
wore down on my body and killed me. I don’t have a desire to be like this. In
fact, when I see it in others I pray for their recovery. I cast my cares to God
a long time ago and He has given me the fruit of the spirit found in Galations
5:22-23. Looking at me now you wouldn’t believe it, but when god clean you up;
there is no trace of sin left. He picked up all my residue. I feel so free and
the weight of negativity has been lifted off of my life! I’m a witness for the
Lord!
ABUSE TESTIMONY: *At the age of 14 years old I
was physically, mentally, and emotionally, and verbally abused and I never
thought that I would recover from that. IT took me over 10 years to get over
this. My confidence was diminished and my heart was numb. It was hard for me to
have healthy relationships. I was easily hurt because I put so much confidence
in the promises of others. I felt I could trust these people. Then there was a
long period where I had a wall up and it was very hard for me to love people.
Later in my early 20’s, when I had my first daughter, I decided to get help
because I didn’t want my daughter or future children to see me in a messed up
state of mind where I couldn’t take care of them. I began to gain my confidence
and integrity in 2009 when I started going to the altar. My healing took place
at faithwalk Harvest center. MY life changed for the better, drastically! Life
started looking brighter for me. I got hope again to a greater degree that man
couldn’t give me. It was like the little positivity that I tried to hold on to,
manifested and became a reality Every day, I started looking different from the
inside out. I found out I didn’t need any counselor, I needed God’s counsel. I
began to gain my confidence and began blocking out all those who spoke against
me, yet I still loved them! The remarks and actions became irrelevant because
the scripture told me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God. I began
to read the book of psalms 91 that David wrote stating that we are hidden in
God’s wings. God always bought david out and I feel the same way David felt. As
I read, it felt like God was singing to me and I began to worship God in my
quiet time at home and the chains of abuse fell off in chunks! When you get
free in God, payback to your enemies is not an option to you. Today, I am free
from those strongholds and I can love those beyond human ability! DRUGS
TESTIMONY: The drugs I engaged in where marijuana, opium, and alcohol. My
strongest addiction was drinking. Drinking was the social thing in my late
teens. I would party and drink multiple brands of alcohol in a large quantities
to get drunk faster. Alcohol poising never touched me by the grace of God. I
didn’t casually drink, but I drank t get drunk. I wanted to be completely lose
myself. I wasn’t happy with who I was that others saw. I liked who I became
when I was intoxicated because I had a lot of attention, but the wrong
attention. Peer pressure heightened the situation with taking on this bad
habit. The next day I was always angry, grouchy, tired, and out felt far from
reality. I didn’t really forgive myself when I became the spotlight of the club
life. There were many episodes where I would be in the club drinking and I knew
it was nobody, but God who tuned me into viewing how lifeless we were.Having no
control, physical impairment, and vulnerable looking like prey for the enemy.
To me, the club was a place to go and disrespect my integrity and it opened the
door for things I wasn’t ready for. Many would say, the club was fun to them.
However, I would say what’s fun about being grabbed on in a drunken state where
disrespect is tolerated. I thank god for delivering me from this club life of
being mounted up as a trophy on stage for men to lust after women and vice
versa.Drinking wears down on your body and you began to look old, but I thank
god that HE preserved me for a testimony today. I have my integrity back, my
self respect, and the desire to go out and have a good time includes being
sober and free in the Lord! PROSTITUTION: When I found out who God called me to be, in the scripture Luke where it says a prophet is not welcomed in their own country as Jesus, I got happy! I seemed unrealistic, but as I child I was honored to face hard times. I knew something big would come out of this! God got all the glory in my sufferings. This scripture found in Mark 6:1-6 described and describes my rejection. I count it all as glory that He used me at a young age to be rejected in order to understand that I wasn’t called to be accepted, but I was called to be different for His glory! In the past, I proved myself enough that I was a good person; people didn’t want to receive it just because it was me! Sometimes it wasn’t easy as a preteen to my early teen to grow up trying to live outside of the town’s reputation of me. I fought past the horrible words and actions from others by worshipping God as a teenager. When the house was empty, I would go in my mom’s living room and worship God in tears, songs, prayer, and meditating on God’s love for me. I love how God taught me to stand firm in his word despite all odds against me! I felt safe in Him. Even at times I didn’t worship I would distant myself from people and go cry in my room, but that didn’t help. It only pushed me deeper in isolation from God’s love. We can choose to take advantage of our time alone and embrace it with a godly purpose, as His provision for us. If we use it to spend time with Him, it can become a productive experience with positive results. As I walked down the street the looks and stares made me walk with my head held high because I got comfort in the word everyday in who loves me. Though men slayed me, yet will I trust Him I realize that it was for my good! © 2015 JasmineAuthor's Note
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