The Ballad of Mr. Higgins

The Ballad of Mr. Higgins

A Poem by kaffreen

A poem about my old English teacher, which I wrote in class over the duration of a lesson. Terrible teacher, but a nice man, albeit a bit odd.

In his moustache lies remnants of a past baguette
Hidden are the morsels of a tasty omelette
Grey and bristly is what that thing is
This is the ballad of Gerard Higgins.

A tweed coat envelopes his tiny frame
His hideous ties make me cringe with the shame
I'd jump for joy if it meant I could pass
His boring, horrendously pointless class.

I made the mistake of flirting with Higgy
Because now, to my horror, he wants to get jiggy
I cannot be arsed with his pitiful lecture
About metaphors, similes and bloody conjecture.

He thinks he's amusing with his tales of the past
Well Mr Higgins, you can kiss my sweet a*s
For I care not for poems about Colonel Shaw
And close reading papers? Just sook ma baws.

To conclude, little children, I once was a genius
At English, but thanks to that mouldy old penis
I'm failing to f**k, 'twas not my intention
'Why, Mr Higgins?' I moustache you this question.

© 2010 kaffreen

Author's Note

Most of this poem was written in a 'Scottish dialect', as such.

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this brought me way back to college - to our horrendous teacher, well in fact it was just last year, i dont even want to remember sitting on his class. our speech communication teacher is somewhat like Mr Higgins, just a little bit not into sexual inclination though... he was totally in his andropause and spelling "BORING" is what i want to doodle in his bare-a*s. i nearly failed on his class, its not surprsing. LOL

by the way,
here's my review...
your choice of words here is just splendid. i wonder how you conjure such impeccable phrase, bit by bit into rhyming.. and not to fail the audience's amusement... i really enjoyed reading this... keep it up!! hope you get more reviews, and write more....KUDOS!

Posted 10 Years Ago

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nice this about a real teacher =)) nicely written and good topic. Write more

Posted 10 Years Ago

That's a really um... Interesting and funny poem. You're a good writer. Keep it up :)

Posted 10 Years Ago

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3 Reviews
Added on September 28, 2010
Last Updated on September 28, 2010
Tags: Mr, Higgins, poem, teacher, school



Hamilton, United Kingdom

I never really know what to put in these boxes without sounding completely and utterly self indulgent. more..