Silence

My inner conflict with my mouth

Silent

Is what I’ve become

Mute to the world

Quiet as a mouse

Best seen and not heard

Nothing to see here

And when it happens

When my silence is broken

The words that escape

With nary a thought

Are wrought with damage

And cataclysmic destruction

For they’re the mortar

Used by others

For building walls

And dams and canyons

To shield

Protect themselves

From the ugliness

Vile that is contained

For these words

Chosen unwisely

In feeble attempts

At narcissistic humor

Strike many a chord

For what have I become?

But a puny little man

Childish to the core

In vain attempts

Attempts of guile

And ingenious wisecracks

Have all fallen flat

And left the desecration

Of my ill-advised lampoons

For this is not a pratfall

Or satire or shtick

But the failed musings

And misguided attempts

Of an ignorant prick

Not wise beyond his years

Not wise beyond a child’s years

Foolish and insecure

Oblivious to others

Stepping on emotions

But inside the war rages

And the beating continues

Stop the hurt

Stop the pain

SHUT THE F**K UP!

But the words come out

Like nuclear waste. 

Slaying giants

Killing friendships

Negating all good

Turning me from hero to zero

From friend to lame racist a*****e

In a single breath

And I can only watch

As my words lay claim

Through useless jargon

And blubbering gibberish

 Another friendship lost

Another person betrayed

And instead of sticks and stones

I’m throwing swords

And laying dead on the battlefield

I see trust and confidence

Kindness and love

Understanding and virtue

They never had a chance

They were slain

And as they lay

Painfully, excruciatingly

For this death is slow

Gruesome and inhumane

And I continue to fight

SHUT UP!

DON’T SAY THAT

WHY????

And hurtful glances

As I turn more backs

And see…or actually not

The eyes that dart away

The hugs that once were

Forever to become angry glares

And here I sit

In a pile of self-loathing

Anguish and repulsion

So I’ll sit silent

A face in the crowd

A name on a list

For my bridges are burned

And everyone’s been scorched

For where once stood

The person whom

They wanted around

And treated like family

Has become the guy

“That Guy”

That nobody wants:

Wants to be around,

Wants to tell off,

Wants to invite

But they do

Because deep inside they hope

Hope against hope

He shuts his trap

And doesn’t divulge

Because nobody wants it

And it isn’t deserved

The treatment they receive

For the chances are many

And I’ve used them all up

So quiet I sit

Silence so awkward

Silence to deafen

And maybe just maybe

I can stop the hurt

Repair the feelings damaged

But it never does work

And it never will.

D****t these words!

Reviews

[Alexis]

you have a gift with words

[Another Mayfly]

wow, where to begin. i throughly enjoyed it, well as one can enjoy looking at a battle of thoughts and actions that you thus described. the problem i have is with words themselves not necessarily the ones that get me into trouble but rather them generally, yet i still enjoyed your 'inner conflict'.