Headaches

How has it been to live with a headache 24/7/365?

This is not like any poem I’ve written before.  This is probably going to read more like a journal entry.

HEADACHES

It was a great trip to Dallas.  10 days later and I was still coming down from the high, the excitement of a trip where I was able to cross off some numbers from my bucket list. 

Work was going well, and it was great to be back into the familiar, getting back into routine and the swing of things.

Then it all came to a crashing halt….

That was November 3^rd

That was also the last time I remember NOT having a headache.

That was more than 7 months ago.

Before:

I never got headaches.

Never worried about how I was going to get through another migraine

I never got them.

Now:

My headache is there for me the minute I wake up

It tags along with me wherever I go.

It’s the friend I never wanted.

Pain killers have become pals.

Nobody can turn them off.

X-Rays and MRIs and CT Scans

Injections and massages and adjustments.

All rendered without relief.

Learning to work around them is not a talent

It’s a curse

Migraines so bad I get nauseous.

And now it’s spring turning to summer.

And trips to the parks.

Riding roller coasters with my boy

Now will become a thing of the past

Because a neck full of damage

Doesn’t allow for such enjoyment

But 7 months of pain

With no end in sight

Has long since taken its toll

The meds take off the edge

But nothing takes it away. 

I smile through the pain

Keep away the rain.

But day after the day

The friend that wakes me

Tucks me in at night,

Sits with me through lunch,

Plays the drums to the songs I try to sing in the car.

I don’t see a solution in sight.

This is a battle I can’t fight.

It’s broken me down

Happiness can’t be found.

It’s tearing me apart

I don’t know what to do

I feel run through

I want it to go.

To live my life whole,

To outlive the pain

That is destined to outlive me.

It’s killing my life,

Draining my soul

I can’t take it any more

It’s got me down on the floor

Rattling me to the core

Just make it go away

I don’t want to fight another day

Please just make it go away