haiku

Moment of peace
Listening to bird cries
Lying on my bed

Reviews

[M.A.Rathore]

Usman, If you want that we should only praise here for each and every piece posted then we have much matter to appreciate all those which is not in real. Though I appreciate your work on haiku writing.It is not easy expressing within the limits of 17 sound syllable in haiku. It requires a long practice and deep understanding of the facts.
Here is a small guidance-
-Do not give any title to haiku poetry.(You've improved it)
-write in two parts~ snepshot ( nature's description) and juxtaposion (same feelings related to the snepshot)
-both the two lines should be grammatically connected separately.
-Do not use three sentences....keep in mind only two..(5+7-5 or 5-7+5) see the plus is grammatically connected.
-Do not write your feelings but write what make you feel so.
-Let the readers draw their inferences.
The most important is KEEP WRITING and you will have all you need.

Now let's see what lies in your present haiku-
-use small letters altogether
-The first line is not connected with the second. It could be...
"peaceful moments
of listening birds' chirping-"
Now this is a snepshot connected grammatically in sentences.
-Then comes the juxtaposition.."lying in my bed" could be more striking to let the readers feel why have you say so. Like as..
"resting by beloved"
OR
"beloved's lovely song"
OR
"lying in her lap"

Now the scene is totally changed. The readers have to think over the situation...
Hope it will work.
Thanks
Have a nice day!
-M.A.Rathore

[R Smith]

nice poem Usman, has a very peaceful feeling, feels like relaxing on a sunny day, thank you :)