darkness

i go back to that time. 

i think about how things could’ve ended so differently.

how would my friends react?

who would remember me?

the people i know now wouldn’t have even heard of me…

the whole world would be different

for a small, small community out of seven billion but 

it would be different

not in a good way either,

milestones would pass,

sweet sixteen, eighteen, twenty-one

high school graduation, college,

love, weddings

they would all happen

without me

the world would keep spinning,

the moon would keep shinning

but for those who loved me, would it really?

life wouldn’t go on

death would,

the pain i felt 

now with them 

but a million times worse because they can’t end it

and eventually they would grow numb,

not to the pain and mourning because it won’t grow easier with time

but numb to life in general

they wouldn’t be able to feel, or fall, or trust 

because what if that person couldn’t handle the pain either?