Drowning.

I've just started again after years of not writing. I would love some feedback so that I may better myself. Thanks!

Drowning.

Drowning again.

I feel the water close in around my nose and mouth. Pushing out any air that could have remained. My chains and bricks pull me down. My tired muscles do nothing to fight.

As I sink lower I look back to the sky above. The bright sun taunts me with its warmth. Laughing as the frigid water stuns my body. My mind is trapped in a frozen corpse at the bottom of the bay. Screaming for any sign of release.

Jovial swimmers paddle all around me. Pulling each other along. The water above me remains calm. It leaves no trace that I ever struggled there.

As my feet hit the sand I am enshrouded with an eerie sense of calm. My toes tunnel deep and the grains tickle the underside of my foot, reminiscent of my childhood. Running too close the tides. The ocean beckoning me to venture further.

I lost somewhere along the way the strength to resist its temptations.

My lungs begin to ache. Snapping me back to the water slowly filling my insides. Stealing any warmth that could have survived. I would have thought my vision to go black. Instead, my view becomes crowded with ghosts. The ghosts of too many who made the ocean their grave.

As far as my eyes can see, I see their deaths. They scare me. I don’t want to resign to this fate.

But for me, I fear it is too late.

I call on the last of my humanity. One swift push towards the sky. The sun that once taunted me is now my only hope. I feel my soles leave the rough surface of the sand and become surrounded once again by water.

My chance to live once again.

And I try. But I am not enough. I am without a helping hand to pull me through. My feet leave only inches from the ocean floor. My chains quickly pull me back. This time deeper than before. This time I dig my own grave. This time I greet the ghosts as old friends.

This was inevitable after all.

My body lays to be found by another in time. My soul is imprisoned to the bottom of the sea. Another ghost to warn those who drown.

Never loud enough to be heard.

Reviews

[Relic]

I think the story is written well although it needs more background detail as to why you're wearing chains in the first place. Jovial swimmers paddle all around me doesn't seem to make sense. Why would they not see someone in chains fall into the water?

The ocean beckoning me to venture further. This also is kinda weird to think if you're drowning. I won't go on but you get what I'm saying. I still like your style.