Run

She walks. Looks back, then runs. Runs as fast as she can. where to? Anywhere. What was behind her? Was someone chasing her? Did she get scared? Did she notice she was late? Late for what? Her death? Or did she get her heartbroken? Couldn't bare to see them holding hands? Kissing in the cornor? Or was she running away, away from her problems, her past, her future? Wanting to go anywhere but here, wanting to be anything but alive.

Author's Note

my feelings at the moment
but hows the writing?

Reviews

[Owlgirl]

I think that the jaggadness in the writing, helped emphisise the broken almost shattered emotion in the story. In the third to last scentence, "Kissing in the cornor?" it should be "corner". Other than, yes, a little of the grammer, but nothing to sever it really detracts from the writing, it's really well done. Nice use of italic bold. Amazing. Great job!

[Susanna F]

Moving. It would benefit from a little cleaning up grammatically, and I think if some of the questions became statements it may have more punch. (Did she notice whe was late? Late for her own death. Did she get her heart broken? She couldn't bear to see them...") Or something like that. But I really like it. It's obviously very visceral, something that just flowed out as you felt it.

[Boy of the red]

The last two sentences were very good but the rest was a little choppy. Good message though. I hope it works out for the best. No pain is forever.