sincerely, your daughter

dear dad,

first of all, hello. 

i see you everyday but you dont really see me 

you squint so hard as you see my body 

slide down the hallway, slyly

trying to reach the bathroom without 

you noticing i left my room for the first time today. 

but you know.

you see me everyday 

but the me you're really looking forward to seeing 

is locked behind her bedroom door

typing away her soul in the notepad program on her dell laptop

if she's not hiding behind stanzas she's

trapped inside of a self-induced decaying teenage body,

an empty stomach and encapsulating headaches. 

i never wanted you to actually meet me but i know

the pain i cause you, to have a stranger as a daughter. 

i try and i try to be happy when im around you but

i let my sickness consume me and everyone around it.

in an attempt to save you from myself i was the catalyst 

for the disparity of our daddy daughter dates

our talks in the car became more hostile everyday

satiric sarcasm slid into subtle shots 

and i could never talk to you without

having tears raining down my face

i never wanted you to see 

the me you tried to keep me from being

you did everything to try to save me

but your stubborn, silent daughter never knew 

what this was doing to us, to you.

secondly, 

i love you.

i feel as though you know this

but just in case you forgot--

you always brought home 

my favorite iced coffee 

after nights i wouldnt sleep,

on the days when that'd be the only thing in my stomach

you never stopped

no matter how many times

i flash red signals

through this dense evasiveness 

you had to have grown color blind 

to you,

garnets glow like emeralds. 

when my smile left, you figured it was time to go. 

you packed us up and took us to a place to let all of our 

dying flowers grow 

now i begin to unravel my petals to be the beautiful sunflower

one you haven't seen since the frigid cold ripped her from the soil

my father, but my sun on bitter winter days, 

you are the reason im beginning to blossom

from the ground to the clouds i grow more and more

every wise word i am nurtured with feeds me 

in a way that food never will 

food for thought is always a part of our home cooked meals

i promise

im stepping out of my room today to give you a hug and 

to simply say hello 

i will go outside and 

revive our garden

so that it'll be the one you used to know

sincerely, 

your daughter,

Mikayla.