Rabbit Slicessation

A lively discussion between a depressed rabbit and his cheery friend turns sour?

Ken Rabbit �" I will eat myself to death. I am tired of my rabbit life. Carrot after carrot after carrot; until many pokedly orange sticks will become death roots, protruding from my stomach into all of my other organs, piercing them and stabbing them and making blood pour all in and out of everything, until it flows all the way up into my mouth. And from my mouth it will pour down into my lungs through the wrong hole, filling them up with blood liquid until I drown, at which point I will die and cease to be bunny.

Leslie Rabbit �" Carrots are healthy for you, they have essential nutrients, you’ll be fine.

Ken Rabbit �" Are you certain Leslie??

Leslie Rabbirt �" Positively. I read it, online, at www.vegetablesthatwontkillyou.org

Ken Rabbit �" Drat. What terrible luck! F**k.

Leslie Rabbit �" Don’t worry I’ll just kill you with this.

Leslie Rabbit pulls out an incredibly sharpened carrot.

Ken Rabbit �" Oh no no I changed my mind I choose to live the rest of my days no ah-

Leslie Rabbit quickly thrusts the carrot blade into his face and slices a large and deep gash right down the middle, going horizontally from cheek to cheek across his nose. The top half of his head folds over backwards along the seam, and blood gushes out all on the carpet.

Leslie Rabbit �" There. I just saved my best friend Ken Rabbit from committing suicide. What a good dandy dangly good Samaritan I am eh, oh boy. 

OVER

THE STORY IS OVER, GO HOME.

JESUS CHRIST, THE STORY IS F*****G OVER, EITHER CHECK OUT A BOOK OR GET OUT OF THE LIBRARY, I'VE GOT ANOTHER GROUP OF SNOTTY BRATFUCK KIDS COMING AROUND IN LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES, I'VE BEEN DOING THIS ALL F*****G DAY IT'S THE WORST JOB I HATE WORKING WITH CHILDREN, I HATE ALL OF YOU AND I HATING READING THIS STORY TO YOU, PLEASE LEAVE AND NEVER EVER RETURN, NEVER CHECK OUT A BOOK AGAIN.

I do not like children.

Author's Note

I am not mentally well, do not take any of this as truth.

Reviews

[Ghania]

Ha ha. Lol.
www.vegetablesthatwontkillyou.com!!
EPIC> :))))

[GwenLark]

This was great, it really made me laugh. I feel we have the same sense of humour... couldn't stop reading, even when you told me to

[kermite]

Ahh hey thanks for the read Gwen! I was worried about finding an audience with this one, so I'm really happy you liked it.