This Life I Live

Not much of a story. More of a rant. I need to express what I feel

I know I love him. With all my heart I love him. I hug him, kiss him, fight with him, and in the end I still love him. He is soon to be a marine, December 1st is my last day with him here. We are still going to be together but he is going to be off training. At 16 it is young for him to leave. But it is his life long dream and I won't stop him. No matter how badly I really want to. He knows I don't want him to go and be a marine. He realized that when he noticed that everytime he mentions it I cry.

 

I already have a cousin there. 3 more months and he's out. And then a few more months and Lady V(my boyfriends nickname) is in there. His dream is to die in war. But he said that if he has something to live for he promises not to die out there. He said that on one of his dog tags he is gonna have it say "Lauren ******* June 14, 2007" (my last name will be where the stars are) That is just one thing that is bothering me.

 

Then there is my emotional-ness. I cry at such stupid things and I get pissed really easily. I cry at almost anything, and especially when Im angry. I know V and I have anger issues, we both know this. We both try and control it. But its hard. Its hard when everyone in your house lives to make you mad. Lives to see you get so frustrated you hit them. Do they enjoy seeing me pissed off or something? Is my anger entertainment? So when it gets to the day when I leave and never come back will they realize that its partially their fault?

 

V also has this idea. He said that he wants to leave, just pack and leave. As soon as he possibly can because his parents are getting on his nerves and he cannot take that. Especially since he has the capability of beating up his parents since he is a boxer. And he told me this and I cried. He said "Kirk, Remember. I'm not leaving without you. Ever."

 

So apparently me and him are leaving sometime. I think right after high school ends. Which Im not even sure I want to finish. School is so much drama. Its so annoying. I hate most everyone there. They all frustrate me, piss me off, and make me want to just get suspended.

 

Ugh!

 

This is so complicated.

Author's Note

Sorry. I needed a rant. And maybe someone can give me advice

Reviews

[Tyler James]

if its meant to be it will, they'll always come back. I hope things sort themselves out for you because in a way i'm a little worried...maybe the marine thing could be a good thing in the end, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that, and that absence would be a test that if passed, means it is meant to be. All in all, an interesting rant and Good luck!