A Blank Face in a Sea of Shadows

A Story by Kurt Bruggeman

An experimental short story about a depressed man discovering life.

Prologue:

Running… Running… Running… The ghostly figure in a black and white world slowly blooming with color. I’m trying to escape… But from what? I’m heaving as the figure approaches… It touches me… And i’m back, back in that empty room, no not a room but a space, an empty existence. I awake in that space, blackness surrounding me, yet I am able to see myself. These thoughts that come to me are like distant memories yet they feel so real. Every time I doze of I see that place. A forest but not a forest, mist surrounding pillars of stone which look like trees… Strange noises follow like the laughter of children. I feel like these dreams have been my reality forever. I can’t remember a time when I was not trapped in this massive black box. I feel that if I was able to run just faster, and longer I might find something, but every time that figure comes after me, I slow get touched and repeat.

Chapter 1:

Today was no different than any other. I woke up in a huge black box, silent and alone. Ate nothing, drank nothing did nothing. Although today something new had sprung up. I could hear it… A dripping… Some sound other than my own heart beat and thoughts. What could it be? There was nothing in this box. I was alone yet it felt like something new had appeared. Then Silence. Nothing, It was my imagination. I doze off into a sleep but my dream is different for the first time in a lifetime. I see a red forest… wait a blood red forest? The grass is tall shimmering with dripping blood. It’s strange… The figure is still there and there are no other people yet blood has covered the entire forest. For the first time I can see that the figure is a woman with obsidian black hair, a raven feather coat, and a shimmering black mist surrounding. I stare out in awe. I cannot see the face just the outer details. She is coming towards me. She touches me. And I wake up. I have never thought of this but how is it that I know what everything is called yet I have never seen it. My dream sleep lasts for mere seconds. I decide to lie against the 7empty nothingness and gaze into the distant void.

Chapter 2:

Seconds… Minutes…. Hours…. I can’t tell how much time is passing, then I hear it a cry in the dark void. It sounds human, but how could that be? I am the only human in this dead land… Then I thought to myself… What if the blood from my dream was a symbol, a rectifying idea of the human mind, life itself. I see distant figure walking nude through the void. Men, women, children, and elders. As they approach I see that they wear linens of void, and skin, and feather. I can’t take this! It’s too much! I blacked out for what felt like an eternity.

I awoke, or so I Thought… As I awoke I was in the dark room but something was different. There was a house, dark yet lively with the nude people, The base of the house was like my dream, small tufts of tall grass and two crimson trees in front. Then I saw it… The strange woman was coming from around the house… THIS CAN’T BE REAL!!!! And then there was silence.

Chapter 3:

I was back in the void, the real void. But it was different, I could see people running around and houses, hundreds of houses. I thought to myself, What if my world becomes more beautiful every time I close my eyes. I’m no longer scared to visit the dream, I thought that ghostly woman was a monster but now I see that she was a messenger of hope, my hope. This time I close my eyes wondering what would happen next. At first I thought something was wrong, I couldn’t see or hear anything. But then I felt it, It was so warm yet so cold. I realized that one side of the void was black and cold while the other side was white and hot. There was a blazing sun and round moon. This time I see the woman but I don’t run, she nods to me and i'm back but In a warm sunny world with people and tall grass and red trees and houses.

Chapter 4:

I fade in and out, in and out. I don’t see any differences. I keep fading and fading until I wake up with salty tears streaming down my face. I can’t help but feel like I was crying. When was the last time I cried, or smiled, or laughed. What is a smile? I hear the word echo through my head smile, happy, laughter. These emotions were not here moments ago. I realize that the people in the now many houses and fields all smile, and laugh, and cry with great emotion. I recite in my head, “Any perceived difference...Is in fact also a deep connection.” A phrase I haven’t heard in a long time. I thought that it was talking about my dreams. Where any difference I noticed became real. I go into dream…

Chapter 5:

I awake in a place like no other. A dying forest with no warmth and a grave blanket of sadness. I can see multiple figures no longer the woman but two, three, four, five new figures. The figures can’t something but it is hard to make out so I get closer. They don’t attack me so I approach close enough to hear what they are speaking in a strange tongue. “Apathy, because you've lose a sense of worth. It doesn't matter whether you feel better because you have no worth.” I can hear them speak it like a mixture of a command and a prayer. I don’t want to feel despair, this is my life, it must be worth something so I ran. I ran and I ran and I ran, until I could not run anymore. I had been so preoccupied by what the figures said, that I hadn’t realized the differences. There was light’s, warmth, darkness, and fruit. A joyous site, a paradise in a nightmare. The woman was there in her raven feather robe, and her silver mist, smiling. Smiling at me. She gave me hope and made me feel as though I could continue on. This time it was not forced, I walked towards the woman kissed her hand and awoke.

Chapter 6:

When I woke up I was no longer crying, I felt so happy, I could see the world clearly now. I could see every color of the rainbow, I could hear the playful shouts of children, and feel any emotion or temperature. I had found my paradise. I place for me and me alone. I no longer felt sad, I could go and live, and breathe, and eat. I could have fun. What used to be a empty void had now become a vast suburban city with trees and tall grass and laughing children and rain and snow and life. This my life, I am worth it, I will live.

"You are a being unto yourself.

You are a law unto yourself.

Each intelligence is holy.

For all that lives is holy."

~Excerpt from Liber Primus