grandpas notebook

black,stained

torn to tell it's age.

means more than what it seems

I cherish it poetry,

short storys.

sad ending.

to a new begining.

me and my family.

vacation. second night.

phonecall,grandpa sick.

i never knew this was the end for him.

74.

this is what i was left from him.

important to me.

only 7 when he died.

never spent alot of time with him.

not alot of memories.

i will miss him alot.

this is what i have left to remember him by.

Reviews

[Meghan]

I think proofreading and making revisions would really help the poem. It's hard to see through to the meaning if there are frequent grammatical errors.

The basic structure of the poem--the staccato lines and phrases--works fine. It creates a sort of halting way of reading. And you create a vivid story. Just needs a little tuneup.

[Natasha]

great concept- i do cherish my grandpa as well who passed away so the title made me want to read it--though there are some grammatical errors (people below pointed it out)..i think this is a great concept to write about and there were some lovely parts- you should delve deeper into your emotions and maybe write more about it or revise it-my english teacher in high school taught me that a story or poem is never really finished- revisions are always needed since nothing is perfect and you can always find something new and creative to revise/add to a poem! hope all my criticism and comments aren't negative- don't mean them to be at all- i'm just hear to give advice and help!

[ShaneBerry]

you should change "I cherish it poetry," to "I cherish its poetry,"
i too have a book of poetry left behind from my grandfathers passing. this poem is one i can easily identify with. BUT i feel like this read like a grade school summer vacation report almost. it was too choppy i guess is what i am trying to say. no flow. maybe edit is and give it a touch up with flow. but you do what you want :D that is the great thing about poetry haha!
this was deep on a emotional level, the notification of your age when your grandfather passed explains why this poetry book is tattered and stained. very very nice. thank you for sharing.
-S.B.-
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[Coyote Poetry]

Those old notebooks are very valuable. I found my Grandmother small notebook. Notes of life become important to the people who love the missed people. Thank you for sharing the memory and outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Rasputin]

This was a very heart-felt piece. When my dad's father died, his mother (my dad's mother) gave him a book she had written about her experiences- not only with him, but about their lives in general. She died a few years ago, so that book means more to him than I could imagine. I never met either of my grandfathers.

[Southern Cross]

Sad you couldn't share more with him but at least you have his diary to pass down and enjoy.What a nice tribute good read

[SapphirianVampiress]

Awwee if I was not sitting in class I would have busted out crying. My grandpa died when I was a little girl so I can relate to this one extremely.

[tizzy k]

awwwwwwwwww this one made me cry