Honesty

title is tenative...

 

I’m losing all sanity.

Somewhere in between “half crazy” and “walking away”.

Wondering what would be if I hadn’t proceeded,

Determined,

To claim what I thought to be mine…

Now...

Un-claimable.

Perplexed by the thought of losing her…completely.

Lost in my thoughts of spite and sorrow,

Wanting to rebuild walls of defense,

Keeping me safe.

My intention is not to lock her out,

But to allow myself to admit…

That I’m hurting.

After such vulnerability illustrated by past actions and childish idiosyncrasies,

It takes a lot to admit to have met my match.

But I cherish her.

Always

Lady-like, an

Intellect, though she's chosen to hide behind coy jesters and antics

Shielding herself from herself,

Harboring insecurities similar to my own while retaining an

Illusion she can no longer uphold.

Anon, she wont remember herself.

 

Confusing outside love for that which is in,

I can no longer fight it…

I’m hurting.

Equating her to women past in an attempt to eradicate all feelings that I associate to her.

Embracing my own selfishness,

Allowing her to be what is best for herself,

Taking steps back daily, determined to free myself.

But the distance does no more than make me miss her.

Reminiscing on times that were less complex,

When “I love you's” meant no more than any other phrase.

I say that she has changed,

But she hasn’t.

I have, and expected her to change with me.

Claiming the want to regain a friendship that forced me to keep secrets,

Yet wishing that I could’ve kept this secret.

Taking steps back daily…

I feel the change.

Admitting that I am mostly to blame,

Yet showing no remorse or shame for what I feel within,

But having to admit that I may have lost my best friend.

Reviews

[closed..acct]

Powerful and deep,
I really enjoyed this write.
So well written

[BikerAngie]

Exquisite write!! I am in awe!

[sheerpoetry]

very honest i enjoyed reading it, it is full of emeotion and pulls you in

[Kcherie]

This is deep. I like it!