I Am A Joker...

How would I explain to

That I was not always sad like this and

Once I have been very happy really?…

Then and there I realize it’s useless

To waste my time by thinking about the

Past happy moments, because they wouldn’t come back….

I couldn’t understand how my life is designed to have so many troubles

And withstand so many pain, but my little heart, was designed just in a

Way contrast, that it couldn’t withstand an ordinary good-bye?

Even the cunning breeze, coming near the windows seat,

Only takes my tears away while leaving the pain there in my eyes….

This feel is different…

I am not sad every time.

But I am not happy anytime after your good bye…

It had been so long since I really laughed and enjoyed,

Perhaps, I laugh and smile all in a while,

Yet my heart still shrinks in an unknown pain…

I couldn’t play this role. 

Will anyone believe if say I am not a joker, like they think?

I am dead and living playing this role in the stage called life…

It’s pathetic that my own life is my own grave

And death is not my real enemy but it is my betraying friend, life. 

Don’t clap your hands. I don’t want your appreciations,

I am hurt and want a hug. That’s it.

I am not shining, I am actually burning.

The truth is deep under the masks, I am really hurt and moaning…

Sometimes, they take the mask away from my face,

Or I was so weak to hold the mask, that I slip it sometimes…

Yet they couldn’t know what I am going through inside,

Because there are still a thousand other masks,

which they couldn’t take away,

That I smile once more

And they clap their hands once again…