Synaesthesia

Synaesthesia

A Poem by Randolf Ramos

Cloaked in white fog
along misty road
lift souls
haven of birds and flies
Soothing music like lullabies

Overlooking the horizon
Treacherous cliff lurks fathom billows
humid, temperate cold rejuvenating mind
Picturesque nature's repertoire playing side by side

Life in misty pause
The flowers closes with mouthful of bees
Alpine like paradise
lift poplars by sexagenarian trees

© 2010 Randolf Ramos


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"Cloaked in white fog
along misty road
lift souls
haven of birds and flies
Soothing music like lullabies"

'Lift souls' isn't perfect. Maybe 'Lifted souls'? :) "haven of birds and flies" is not perfect too. A typo perhaps, "haven of birds flies" :)

"Overlooking the horizon
Treacherous cliff lurks fathom billows
humid and temperate cold rejuvenating mind
Picturesque nature's repertoire playing side by side"

You might wanna switch the 'and' near 'humid' after 'cold' so it looks like 'Humid, temperate, cold and rejuvenating mind'.

"Life in misty pause
The flowers closes with mouthful of bees
Alpine like paradise
lift poplars by sexagenarian trees"

'The flowers close' or 'The flower closes' :) I couldn't establish the imagery in the last line..

This is a overall nice poem. Though not exceedingly good, lol. :)

Keep writing.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

"Cloaked in white fog
along misty road
lift souls
haven of birds and flies
Soothing music like lullabies"

'Lift souls' isn't perfect. Maybe 'Lifted souls'? :) "haven of birds and flies" is not perfect too. A typo perhaps, "haven of birds flies" :)

"Overlooking the horizon
Treacherous cliff lurks fathom billows
humid and temperate cold rejuvenating mind
Picturesque nature's repertoire playing side by side"

You might wanna switch the 'and' near 'humid' after 'cold' so it looks like 'Humid, temperate, cold and rejuvenating mind'.

"Life in misty pause
The flowers closes with mouthful of bees
Alpine like paradise
lift poplars by sexagenarian trees"

'The flowers close' or 'The flower closes' :) I couldn't establish the imagery in the last line..

This is a overall nice poem. Though not exceedingly good, lol. :)

Keep writing.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on July 19, 2010
Last Updated on July 20, 2010

Author

Randolf Ramos
Randolf Ramos

Philippines



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Empath Empath

A Poem by Randolf Ramos