The waves of a concrete ocean.

The waves of a concrete ocean.

A Poem by Kyle
"

finally!!! my writers block is no more!!!!

"

 

The waves of a concrete ocean.
 
The rain seems to pour down now,
Harder than ever
Each little drop infiltrates the confines of my soul
My once calm ocean of consciousness
 
Miniature bullets, piercing into its depth
Creating an elastic motion
As the waters push downward
Then hurdle, suddenly into the air
Jumping for freedom
Gasping for air
Separating themselves from the bleak conformity below
 
My once pure, serene surface
Now intoxicated, by society’s influence
To numb the senses
Ease the pain
That never truly existed
 
Distorting my reflection of the world
And the worlds reflection of me
Turning my ocean a bright crimson
What used to be so smooth yet so concrete?
Now melts into the vague
A formless shape  
 
As the water ripples,
Like the pulse of a thousand different earthquakes
Spreading out until their boundaries meet
Only to be separated once again
By, new, pure, forceful liquid jewels
Dropping from the skies of gray
 
Unaware of how their fates shall meet
In this cycle of distortion
Amid the waves of a concrete ocean

© 2008 Kyle


Author's Note

Kyle
finally!!! my writers block is no more!!!!

My Review

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Reviews

The imagery is interesting how you used water and ocean to describe the feeling of truth and freedom that one experiences getting rid of the block.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Kyle, YOU GIVE ME CHILLS WITH THIS POEM. it's amazing. i have nothing really to say that could impove this anymore than it is. OH AND I LOVED THE ENDING. It was so ..... errrrrrrrrrr .... I CANT DESCRIBE IT, but it gave off a really natural feeling. The whole poem flows so well.

Posted 11 Years Ago


The imagry is very strong here. You're working well with the theme without feeling the need to bludgeon us. nice. My only issue is that sometimes the flow gets a little clogged up, but some well placed word-pruning could fix that fairly easily.

Posted 11 Years Ago


i'm glad that you're writer's lock is over! I hate it when i get writersblock. This is a great piece. You write aout society's effect on you. Makes me realize how effective the society is on all of us.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like this it reminds me of a storm and it made me remember the fact that if you jump off a bridge and hit the water it feels like hitting concreate :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on July 28, 2008

Author

Kyle
Kyle

somewhere south of "over the rainbow", and east of "no-man's land".............wait... or was it somewhere north of "no-mans land" and east of "over the rainbow".....crap!.......i think im lost!!???



About
"i may not have something to say yet, but i most surely have something to write!!!!" -me, age 12 hi im kyle! i turned 14 on august 8th 8-8-08 lol!!!!!!!, i love writing, and the way it can fre.. more..

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A Poem by Kyle