Geronimo

I was born on the prairies where the wind blew free and there was nothing to break the light of the sun. I was born where there were no enclosures. -Geronimo

I was staring out the window, basking in an orange glow, when the weed kicked in. It started out a little shaky, with random psychedelic lights latching onto the beams of light as they entered my retina. It cleared up pretty quickly though, and the sudden feeling of calm and peace wrapped around me, like an electric blanket. But the most amazing part was the sun. The sun didn’t set. Not anymore. It just turned it’s back to the earth, and smiled at me.

I let  my childish giggling stop, and allowed my bubbly smile to drop humbly. I looked down at my body, the sunshine now one with my skin. I existed only then. All other memories, and all other futures, were simple imaginations of what could’ve been, as I sat there dreaming on the carpet. I shifted my gaze to the clock, and pleaded that the second hand wouldn’t move. It stayed right there, for a little longer, hanging on tightly for me.

There was no sense of all-knowing, no feeling of understanding. If anything, it made me question more. All there was, was unending happiness. As long as this moment doesn’t end, I will never feel pain again. No more school, no more girls. No more paper cuts, bandages, or wet shoes from walking in the snow. No more hot days, cool days, or somewhere-in-between days. No more yearly visits to the cemetery, or smell of smoke in the garage. Only the sun, and the shadows it let dance on the wall behind my back.

And me. The one problem in the equation. The uncommon denominator, the outlier. It’s funny how our reflections change, like a flip-book. You want to reach down the pages, see what the end result is, but there can be no end without a beginning. And every beginning had to have an end. No matter how long the sun lasted, and no matter how long it shined on the carpet, and on the wall behind me, I couldn’t rest my head on the light forever, and run my fingers through it’s long beams. I had to end. So why not end happy.

Have some fairytale life, and die next to your lover, old and in your sleep. But time was cruel, picking favorites, and selecting only a few to live such a life. I knew I couldn’t be one of those, so I didn’t bother believing in it. I had often found myself listening to lovely pieces of music, when I was younger, and staring into the sun’s beady eyes, saying, “I could die right now, close my eyes and burn in your glow, and I’d be a happy man,” That was my dream. So I refused to wake up.

I let my smile climb back through my soul, and lift the corners of my mouth. I raised my hand, and admired the way that my revolver glinted in the sunlight. The rays wrapping around the metal handle and bouncing back. 

I aimed it at the door to the right of me. I don’t want this pain. I looked through the iron stub on the barrel, and lined it up with the knob. I don’t want it anymore. I clicked my tongue and pretended to fire. “Bang,” I whispered, softly. I moved the gun up towards my temple. I held it there, feeling the cool barrel nip my skin. I looked through the window, and stared directly into the sun. I didn’t close my eyes, I let them burn. I could die right now… “A happy man” I said aloud. Then I pulled the trigger, and painted the shadows red.

A single tear fell from my face, and before it hit the ground, it filled to the brim with light. “Geronimo!” It cried, as it hit the ground, and it let the light go. “Geronimo…”

Reviews

[BlaqkShadow]

LOVE THIS!!!! It has such amazingly beautifully written passages, I love everything about it. The thought of dying whilst happy has crossed my mind more than once, that life's cruelty does not allow all of us to be happy, and it really touched my heart the way it was written. The lines about feeling that way as a child in the suns glow are so powerful I could almost feel the sun upon me.
The section about the weed hitting was especially creative and stunningly written, I smoke weed for pain relief and mind stabilizing purposes so I can't get too high but some of the killer strains we get through from London are exactly like the way you described. It takes off the blinkers and opens the mind and makes you more and less certain than you ever were.
Thank you so much for this X

[Calamityofgin]

Oh Noah darlin! No! And yes yes yes...this prose is a bit of clockwork orange ethereal nirvana..then 💓🔫!! And i die a bit with.
let my smile climb back through my soul, and lift the corners of my mouth.."

Please..here comes the sun little darlin..here comes the sun and i said...its alright. I cannot bare your sweet soul heard screaming Geronimo!! Eva eva again.

. Only the sun, and the shadows it let dance on the wall behind my back.
And me. The one problem in the equation. The uncommon denominator, the outlier. It’s funny how our reflections change, like a flip-book.

Thats the thang bout 💓🔫BANG! The next train has amazin thangs inside..
Your train of thought is gorgeous heartache.

Love respect and admiration Noah
Calamity of Jennifer