Nabiha, The Impossible Girl

This story is about a broken-hearted girl and how life is toxic to her.

Her hair was midnight-black and it flowed over her shoulders. A pair of arched eyebrows looked down on sweeping eyelashes. When I came closer, I noticed her scrolled ears and her elegant nose. She nuzzled me with her nose and I couldn’t believe it. And when she spoke, it seemed like a Nightingale was singing me its most melodic song. When she broke into a smile, it lit up the room. It was love at first sight.

 

I met her at a wedding. She seemed like a loner, just like me. She was sitting alone. It seemed like she was trying to keep a distance from everyone. She was so beautiful. She had the most wonderful eyes; yet I could see the sadness in them, even from a distance. I wanted to go up and talk to her. But I didn’t have the courage to do so. So I decided to stalk her from a distance, like a creep. But I lost her from my sight. I had stopped looking for one moment, to talk to my brother, and she was gone. I tried looking for her, but there were so many people. It was almost impossible to find her.

 

But I did find her, on the terrace. I assumed she was trying to escape from the crowd. She was looking at the stars with such concentration as if she was talking to them. Maybe she heard the sound of my feet. She looked right at me. I felt like my soul would catch on fire.

“What are you doing up here? Are you bored too?” she smiled, and it jolted me like an electric shock.

“Yes, I like being alone”, I smiled back.

“Then we’ll get along well, I guess.” she told me.

Then we talked, for hours. We talked about how boring these weddings were and how peaceful being alone was and so many other things. I didn’t want to be here to begin with, but at that very moment, when we were talking and she was smiling constantly, I didn’t want to leave. She gave me a lot of smiles and I built a forest out of it. She was so delightful that even the most beautiful sight in the world would seem unenjoyable in front her.

“You’re so wonderful”, I told her.

“Trust me, I’m not”, she laughed a little. “Maybe I’m only wonderful to the people I like.”

I thought I would never stop smiling after hearing that. But I had to. The wedding was about to be over. People had started leaving. She said it was getting late and she had to leave too. I asked her if we could talk again. She smiled a little. And then she gave me her number in a vintage way, on a piece of paper. But it wasn’t just a piece of paper to me; it was worth more than all the gold in the world.

 

I couldn’t sleep that night. I was in love. This feeling was so strange; it stretched throughout my whole body. It had no bound nor length nor depth, it was just absolute. It felt as though I was in a dangerous fire, yet I was completely safe at the same time. All I wanted to do was to meet her again and again, and again.

 

The next few days were amazing. I called her the very next day, and the next day, and every single day since that night. Two months went by. Two months of talking over the phone for hours, sharing our dreams with each other; sharing our history and everything about us.

One day I asked her about the sadness in her eyes. But she avoided it as if she was trying to hide something. I didn’t ask anything further as it seemed to bother her a lot. So we talked about other things instead, much more wonderful things. That couple of months were so startling, yet I was nauseated by the thought of not meeting her again. So I decided to ask her to meet me.

“Can we meet?” I asked her.

“Yeah sure, I’d love that”, she replied.

It felt as though my heart was dancing around my chest, and a hole, I was never aware was there, had been filled just by the thought of seeing her again.

 

I was waiting for her at the park, the place where I was going to meet her again. I bought white roses for her just as she liked.

She appeared with the winter snow billowing around her skirt. Sky blue had never looked so beautiful on a girl. With black hair of wool and her head held high, she waltzed on with an effortless saunter. The clicking of her heels added rhythm to the soft classical music that played onward without pause. She sat beside me, on the bench I was sitting on.

“You look beautiful”, I told her. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.

“Thank you.” she smiled.

“I brought your favorite flowers for you.” I told her, as I gave them to her.

She took them with delight. And for that very moment, the sadness in her eyes was gone.

“I know it’s way too early, I know you don’t know me too well, but I have to tell you something. I know we have been talking for a couple of months only, but all I want now is to keep talking to you. No matter what I do, all I can think about is you. Nabiha, I think I’m falling in love with you.”

She seemed startled, and scared.

“Oh Eshan, I’m so sorry. I must’ve given you the wrong idea. And I haven’t told you everything about me yet. You wouldn’t have said that if you knew.”

“Then tell me, I want to know everything about you.”

“You don’t understand. There’re things you wouldn’t want to know. There’s darkness in me that you wouldn’t want to explore. The feeling of love has died for me. Everything’s lost…everything. I couldn’t have loved you even if I wanted to.”

Then she described to me how love had turned into poison for her, how her mind cycles through emotions faster than a kid flipping through radio channels. How someone broke her heart and left her alone with nightmares stitched to her mind. How confusion, anger, and shame infiltrated her bones. How her heart was scorched and how no feeling of love or trust was left in it.

“I’ve fallen into a dark void I can never get out of”, she sounded miserable.

“Let me rescue you, let me be there for you and catch you every time you fall.”

“No, you can’t. I’m not worth saving. I thought that I can have a friend; I thought that I don’t have to be alone anymore. But I guess it’s not meant to be that way.”

Saying that she started walking away, with tears in her eyes she was trying to hide. And I sat there alone; feeling like my whole world was falling apart.

 

It’s been 30 years since the last time I met her. I’m married now. I have two wonderful daughters to brighten up my life. I guess I’m happy. I never tried to contact her after that day. I thought that she was too scared to face me, too scared of falling in love again. I thought that seeing me would only cause her more pain, and that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her. Yet to this very day one word is enough for me to describe the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me �" Nabiha, my impossible girl.

 

I was sitting on the very same bench. This is the place where we met before parting ways. I was holding a book in my hand. I was too afraid to start reading it. It was her book. She published it before passing away. Yes, she’s gone now. It’s been a month. She was alone until the very last day of her life. Maybe she thought that being alone was far better than going through that traumatizing experience one more time.

 

I opened the book. I started reading slowly. She wrote about a broken-hearted girl and how life was toxic for that girl. How someone fell in love with her and she did too. But she was too scared and confused. So, she told him to go away. And he decided to listen to her words instead of her eyes.

 

I stopped reading. Everything around me started swirling around slowly. I realized what a huge mistake I had made. The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. Maybe deep down, I never stopped loving her. Maybe it wasn’t her who was scared, maybe it was me. Maybe I was scared of never figuring out the answer to the most complicated question in the universe.

How do you love a heartbroken girl anyway?

Reviews

[Drake]

I have read your story from the root to tip and to be true, found myself in some bits. Never make that mistake in real I'd say. Had fallen in love once but my love never bothered to ask me if I will actually be good in loneliness rather thought I might have someone else in my life. My love listened to my words and not to my eyes exactly like the male character did in your story.
Also often we fail to choose our soul mates cause they tend to stay miles away from us and we cope with any attraction around us addressing love.
Little mistakes but obviously in such long write it gets hard to notice sometimes. Good work!

[¿]

Yess..here weddings are beyond boring....and had thought who shares numbers in paper nowadays?! But then I found tis a story of far ago!
Almighty's tremendous creation - heart....melts in seconds....solidifies in flickers! And here the second process took place on Eshan's heart....He made mistake in his sights anyway....but no wonder what actually made Nabiha write down the book...was it to express her pain of her past heartbreak or to let Eshan know...maybe she had also found herself mistaken at the park for walking away....
I hope that's a whole fiction but not real.....
The answer of last question about the way of loving a heartbroken girl : - you can never love a heartbroken girl. (I guess)
Thanks for sharing**