Good Riddance to Good Nights

my late night writing sesh took a bit of a dark turn...

my eyes are burning.

my heart is twisting.

my whole damn body

is curled into

a shaking, aching,

almost breathless

ball of despair

as i watch you

pack your bags

to go.

this,

i realize through

the angry tears,

is my first sleepless night.

you easily step across

my lifeless form

and make your way to the door;

the damn door that

i foolishly, almost blindly

let you enter so long ago.

and now that

all has been said and done,

the reality of “you and i”

hits me

and shatters against

my solid shield of weakness.

even in the 3 am darkness

of this room,

i can sense you scorning

and shaking your head

in disapproval.

i seeth,

feeling a part of me --

a raging, furious, piteous

part of me --

despising not only

my vulnerability

but also your

cruel dominance.

i suddenly sob against my own will,

wishing that i had been

at least a bit more

aware that this

was a world

you and i

could never live in together.

not in happiness,

that is.

and although i’m strong

by telling you to just leave,

it still breaks

my heart a bit

to watch you go.

after some silent and

painful moments,

your voice

reaches me

through the darkness.

“well, this is goodbye.

hope you enjoy the

rest of your sleepless night.”

i hear your footsteps

move farther away from me,

towards the door.

through clenched teeth

i whisper,

“goodbye, y-you son of a b--”

you slam the door shut,

and you’re gone,

and i’m alone.

after a quiet moment

and a new burst of tears,

i add:

“and don’t you dare ever

believe anyone who says

that sleepless nights

are the nights well spent.”

and even though

you couldn’t hear it,

i think that the

3 am darkness did,

and that was somehow

good enough for me.

Author's Note

I'm a sucker for dark, angsty scenes, so this was unsurprisingly an indulgence for me to write. Feel free to call me a masochist at heart!