Dependent Upon Independence

Dependent Upon Independence

        

         As he sat staring into the serenity of the pond he had become so familiar with, he thought about the first time he encountered it thirty one years ago. He was just a boy with a lot on his mind desperately in search of somewhere to ponder the cards he had been dealt in the game they referred to as "life". The pond called his name. It begged him to sit on its sandy bank. He had thrown himself on the ground in anger at the world around him and was instantly comforted by the nothingness that swept through his mind.

         Looking back, it seemed nothing had changed since that day. Nothing except her.

         He had always been a man of great independence. He lived by himself, for himself. No, he was not lonely. He bragged to his concerned peers about how he relied on no one except himself. He was content. Then he met her. 

         From the beginning, she had captivated him. He had never expected it to transform from harmless flirty banter one morning at the coffee shop to a passionate love affair in a matter of weeks. Still, he was determined not to find himself in the vulnerable position he had seen many much weaker than himself get trapped in. A position where he needed her. 

         He actually chuckled out loud thinking of himself as a damsel in distress, needing someone other than himself. The idea seemed quite absurd and he felt foolish for even considering it. 

         Contented by the renewed independent light he had shown on himself, he sat on the ground. Staring absentmindedly into the water ahead of him, he began the ritual he knew so well. The ritual that kept him coming back to this specific spot for the past thirty one years. He cleared his mind and took in the nature around him, preparing to let its soothing effect sweep into his now desolate mind. 

         Like always, he gazed into the shadows that the weeping willow trees threw over the water. Today, however, instead of being the black he was used to seeing, they seemed to be a deeper color. A black that was as dark as her pupils during those early hours of a Sunday morning where she sat and drank her coffee, oblivious to the world around her. Yes, the shadows possessed the same depth that the eyes he wished he could dive head first into possessed.

         He turned to look at the rose bush on the edge of the clearing that had always been his marker for finding the pond. Instead of seeing red however, he saw a deep burning scarlet that seemed to mirror the color of her favorite lipstick. The lipstick he silently watched her carefully apply before they went out on the town Friday or Saturday night. The lipstick that he found would be untraceable by the end of the night when they arrived back to his house because of the numerous kisses he had enveloped her robust lips with throughout the night.

         Feeling slightly uneasy, he laid back, sprawling out on the bank, putting his hands behind his head. He searched the sky for the burning ball of hydrogen and helium that he knew would not fail him. He spotted it fighting to break free from beneath a cloud. However instead of seeing orange, the sky held a ball of deep tangerine that beamed rays of light and energy on the planet that orbited around it. An energy that he recognized immediately as the same energy that he found himself overcome by on a daily basis when she smiled at him.

         Startled, he jolted up. He caught his troubled reflection in the pond that looked like it would feel almost as smooth as her velvet cheek felt against his thumb. He was alarmed to see a man he did not recognize staring back at him. What had this woman done to him?!

         He rushed off in panic to find her. He had to end things before they went farther. 

         As he sprinted off, he tripped over an overgrown tree root and nearly collided with the trunk of his favorite cyprus tree. In the afternoon light, he thought the light tan of the bark seemed to be almost the exact same shade as her sun kissed shoulders were due to their recent day spent on the beach together. He'd have to examine her petite shoulders more carefully when he found her. Before, of course, telling her he had no choice but to erase her from his life forever. Before it was too late.