Billioniare?

A Story by laurenrose

Ana Smith is your average teenage girl, or is she? On her 15th birthday her parents tell her that she was adopted. Ana vowed to never accept the people that abandoned her until one day...

Buzz! Buzz!

"Wakey wakey! Come on, it's the last day of school,make the most of it!"

Ana groans then shifts herself under her duvet. Being completely emersed in pink fluffiness, she mutters to herself " I would rather not make the most of it."

"Ah, I will be having no cheekiness. Now shift yourself out of your bed and make your way to the kitchen."

How on earth did she hear that? Then Ana's Mom makes her way out of Ana's room and half closes the door.Ana opened the wardrobe and grabs a pair of denim overalls and a bright pink top.She looks at herself in the mirror,at her tanned legs, although it was one of her best features she still wondered why none of her family were tanned.

She slipps her feet into some fluffy pink slippers and trodds her way down the stairs,she wasn't as elegant as the rest of her family.

As her sister Megan was walking to her seat Ana grabs one of the pieces of toast.

" Hey,"she shouts

Ana snickers and puts the piece of toast back on the plate.she grabs one of the pieces of ready made toast and heads to the door.Then she stuffs her feet into bright pink heels.

© 2014 laurenrose

Author's Note

What do you think about it?

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Reviews

Mila

Hi!! This was cool; I enjoyed it! :)
I just thought I'd toss a few things out there that I noticed.
The sentence "She slipps her feet into some fluffy pink slippers and trodds her way down the stairs,she wasn't as elegant as the rest of her family." seemed a but rushed to me. I can see that you're showing that she isn't as "elegant" but perhaps if you said something like "She slips (you said 'slipps', I think that was a typo) her feet into some fluffy pink slippers........trodds her way down the stairs; she was never as elegant as the rest of the family...." so on so forth, or something like that, just so it looks like those two thoughts actually belong in the same phrase together. :)
Also, watch out for comma usage. It's easy to fall into the crutch of wanting to use them too much (I know I do that a lot!) so a lot finding out where the natural breaks go comes from you reading through your work and, perhaps, reading it aloud to yourself. Sometimes a lot of the rhythm and how the story flows comes from our reading it.
Other than that, and a few spacing typos here and there but not too many, this was a great read and I can't wait to read some more of your work!! Very well done! :)

Posted 9 Years Ago

9 Years Ago

Thanks!
I know, thanks for the points. I don't really read over my writing.
But, I hope .. read more

Gabby

Hey! This isn't bad at all. Just a few grammatical errors :)

For example, in the beginning you haven't put a space after the comma and you've missed out a few full stops. A few typos/spelling errors as well (you put slipps, when it's slips). Some capital letters missed at the beginning of sentences, and punctuation such as ! is missing as well. Other than all of the grammatical errors, the writing isn't bad at all. It's a good start to the story :)

Well done!