Worn

I've been feeling very down lately. Writing helps me work through how I am feeling. I find words comforting.

Sometimes she felt like an accessory to her own life

Like instead of sitting in the drivers seat she was demoted, 

Transferred to the back, far far away from any control she had possessed before

She was forced to watch life go on by whiteout her

Wishing desperately to have that sweet, sweet freedom 

She had achieved not too long ago 

She felt her life was a soundtrack, only the music began to repeat itself

So much so that the songs lost their meaning 

She begged, no more trumpet solo, no more big finish with the drums and the base competing in a duel of rhythms 

She just wanted it to stop, she pleaded, she begged

She tried to break/smash the record player, but it was indestructible 

She felt life passing her by, like a safari car passing through the African Savannah 

The spectators “oohed” and “ahed” 

Though she knew as they journeyed onwards to their next adventure, their memory of her would slip away

With only the slightest chance they’d ever think of her again

Even the tiny black ants meandering through the tall grasses of the Savannah stood a better chance of being remembered than she did

She heard many ask why she had stopped trying, why she gave up trying to fight back for control over her life, why didn't she demand for the freedom that was stolen ever so meticulously from her

But what they didn't realize was that a sculptor can  only achieve his masterpiece so long as he has the modeling tools to do so

But when those modeling tools wear down form use, he’s left with his bear hands

And it takes only the most creative, determined and slightly insane to achieve making another “David” 

Don’t be fooled, she tried making something out of nothing, a million times before

Only to find her hands crumble to the floor 

With the threadbare pieces of clay that had fallen so reluctantly to her feet 

A river of tears joined the fallen pieces of clay shortly thereafter 

Author's Note

Somethings I would like feedback on:
word choice
length/ flow
And any additional comments, or edits would be much appreciated
Thank you all!

Reviews

[OneAmongstMany]

This is really beautiful, I especially loved the last four lines - beautifully sad. My advice would be to maybe break up the longer sentences into two or three separate lines - makes it easier for the reader to take in everything you're saying. This is great though, I really enjoyed reading it. Keep it up!

[Lilia]

Oh my goodness, I love this! This poem is very dark, but it's something that so many people can relate to. If I were to critique anything, it would be the font. It's a pretty font, but it was a little hard to read (my eyes also are terrible). I would also not add a backslash (/) in a poem, replace that with the word "or" or simply a comma. Other than those suggestions, I loved it. Keep writing, and if you need to talk about anything, feel free to contact me. I've been having a rough time myself lately, so I can relate. :)

[Rachel]

Thank you so much, I'd be happy to connect.