CANCER: It's more than a disease; it's a monster.

A Story by Lexi

Cancer is something nobody wants or should ever have to go through. It's a monster. It destroys families, takes too many lives, and hurts many.
In books and movies, they make cancer out to be something it really isn't. They don't show the true pain and struggles that you endure while fighting cancer. Some movies may have sad endings, but the pain ends at the end of the movie. The pain never ends for those who actually suffer. Even being cancer free, there is still physical and emotional pain in the picture. You have side effects from the cancer and chemotherapy treatments. You're always worried with every little pain that the cancer has come back. There's always that little reminder that things may never be okay again.
Cancer doesn't define who you are, it's just something you have. Cancer will make you weak, strong, happy, sad and angry all at the same time. Cancer takes things away from you that you can never get back. Whether it takes your ability to walk, talk, use your arms, have kids, or something else, it always takes something. At some points, it takes your mental stability away. You go into a deep depression knowing some things will never ever go back to the way they were. You'll long for the old days, when everything was okay.
Cancer has really made me, personally, feel like an outcast because of my disability. I get stared at everywhere I go, by children and adults, because of the way I walk.
You see, I had Osteosarcoma, a type of bone cancer that required me to have my tibia taken out and be replaced with a metal rod. I've had over 20 surgeries on my leg due to complications and infections. My leg is all scarred up. I walk with a limp and crutches. People look at my scars and give me disgusted looks. But what they don't know is, I fought for my life and every single one of the scars I have. It bothers me when they stare. It eats me inside and triggers my depression. Do they show that in movies? Do you read about that it books?

Or how about worrying everyday that your cancer is going to come back? That maybe if it does, you won't be able to fight it? Do they show the true emotional pain of a cancer patient or survivor?
Sure, there may be some "cancer perks" like becoming friends with famous people or getting free things, but that'll never replace what cancer took from you.. physically or emotionally.
Being diagnosed with cancer at the age of fourteen has taught me more than any schooling could ever teach me. You learn to grow up extremely fast, whether you want to or not. You have to put on a brave face and fight for your life not knowing if you're going to wake up tomorrow. You learn to treasure the smallest things. You learn not to take the littlest things for granted, like walking "normal".
I'm nineteen now and currently four years cancer free. To this day, I still have the same physical and emotional pain I had then, now. I've lost countless of great friends to the monstrous disease. Most importantly, I lost my hero, my step brother Adam.
With everyone that I have lost, my survivors guilt is extremely strong. Every day I think to myself "why them, why not me? We all had cancer, but it took their life, not mine. Why?".
I know God has a plan and it wasn't my time yet, but it still eats at me everyday.Do they show what that's like in books or movies? How sometimes you just want to die because you feel so guilty? How you feel like they should hate you because you survived and they didn't? It's a pain that is unexplainable. One that will always be with you.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is, cancer isn't what you think. There's more to it than that. There's so much more than I've written too, but I can't possibly write it all.
Also, so many people are aware about breast cancer, lung cancer, pancreatic cancer, etc... but how many truly know about Childhood Cancer? Not many. Did you know that September is Childhood
Cancer Awareness Month? And that the color for it is gold? Did you know that cancer is the leading cause of death in children and adolescents under the age of 18 in the United States? In the US alone, 46 children are diagnosed with some form of childhood cancer daily. Every day, 7 children will lose their battle with cancer. Please, educate yourselves.
All in all, I'm still trying to cope with the aftermath of what cancer left me with or took from me. The truth is, I'll never be okay with how I am now. I'll always be worried about it coming back or something else going wrong... But cancer has made me into the person I am today. I guess I have it to thank for that.