Anxiety.

A Story by k.

what I felt so strongly one day.

You see me struggling to breathe. You watch as I hold tight onto the chair, and I stare at the ground while I count and count and count, trying to focus, to breathe. You see the tears welling up in my eyes. I glance up at you, a look of desperation plastered upon my features when our eyes meet. It’s my cry for help. My plea for silence because you’re too loud too loud too loud. I don’t mind the pressure. I’ve punished myself enough and I know it’s completely mandatory that I do well. But when the moment comes, I hear a deep voice call out behind me. My heart stops. No- first, it was racing, pounding hard enough for my body to tremble and my chest to collapse with each beat. The toll it’s taken on me unravels from the inside and not everyone notices; you do. You noticed.
But you didn’t say anything. You knew it was consuming me, that I was breaking in the few seconds the spotlight shone on me and you let me go
because
success
is more important
than
stability
This. This is why I only exist. I don’t know how to live.