I Didn't Know

This is a short story that I wrote for my creative writing class.

Marilyn stumbled through the hoard of guests, shoving past them in a hurry to escape. She felt dizzy and uneasy as disgusting red rashes began to form across her cold skin. “Something is wrong,” she thought. Her feet ached with the hours spent standing and walking in the tight heels. With increased effort, she managed to drag her feet along as she struggled to make her way to the back doors without losing her balance. The party buzzed with laughter and cheer, as men and women mingled and stuffed themselves with joy. The scents of rich lavender perfume and jasmine tea filled the large ballroom. Waiters shifted through the crowd, carrying trays of exotic drinks and the famous chef’s glorious treats. Overhead, the chandeliers dripping with crystals sparkled as they caught the light, reflecting splattered rainbows across the walls like a disco ball. Mixed with the women’s glittering diamonds  and jewels, the sparkles of their dresses and the crystals pained Marilyn's eyes. Her stomach rumbled and threatened to spill as she gasped for air against the tight corset of her dress. She rested a hand against the creme wallpaper for balance as she struggled to control her beating heart. Tears prickled her eyes as she gasped for air. The glass doors leading to the balcony were simply a few feet away, but she couldn’t manage to cover the space without falling over and causing a scene. “Get out,” she rasped, hoping  that someone would hear her and follow her advice. “What’s wrong with her?” she heard a few people question as they glanced towards her with confusion.

Her breathing roughened, her heartbeat stuttered, and her eyes blurred as the room swirled around her. She doubled over as intense pain shot through her body and burned her pale skin. What’s happening to me? The colors of the abundant flower arrangements filled her sight, blending and shifting together as they caught her eyes. “What’s going on?” some guests yelled. Marilyn flailed and her fingers grazed the sharp thorns of red roses. Her hands dripped with blood, as red as that of the roses surrounding her deflating form. Her shaking knees lost their balance and she stumbled to the floor. No! I don’t want to die! Poison had seeped through the cuts on her fingers, herbs fatal to even the strongest of her kind.

She was suffocated by the smoke rising in the air as bright orange flames leaped through the room, taking down the guests one by one. Shrieks filled the night air and the lights flickered above them. The fire engulfed the men and women, burning them alive. “Help!” they screeched, as their throats burned and their skins blistered bright red and pink. They pounded on the doors and windows and shouted for assistance, but the doors were locked and the building was isolated, too far from civilization to be provided help. They finally realized that the party had been a setup, an act to kill them all. “I didn’t know”, Marilyn thought,  “But they did. The humans knew what we were, predators of the night, us vampires. And the only ways to kill us were to either burn us alive or poison us with vervain, and they had unfortunately managed to do both.” Flashes of the past 213 years flickered through her thoughts. Images of her family, how she had become a vampire, the wars, the parties, the fame, the poverty, the many diverse personalities she had adapted, and all the ways in which the world had advanced and changed came rushing back. There were memories that she had locked away and those she had treasured. A smile formed across her face as her eyes fluttered shut. With a final beat of her heart and a last exhale of breath, she was gone, as were the rest.

Reviews

[Taylor]

Welcome to WritersCafe, Veeni. I enjoyed this little story -- will share just a few comments of how I believe it might be improved. First just in terms of layout, it would help the reader if the story were broken up into shorter paragraphs. Also shorter sentences. The story also feels a bit rushed for me -- I'd like to see a little more description that attends to the senses: how do things smell, what do they look like, what are the sounds, how do they feel. This is a good start and you clearly have talent, so keep writing. Please note that whatever any reviewer says, you are the authority on your own work. Take what you can use and leave the rest.

[Veeni]

Thank you very much!