My pain

My Pain

I look at the yellow oval shaped capsule next to me,

3601 it reads, with a capital V on the front.

I hold it, contemplating swallowing away my pain, i just want to send it on a train far far away from here.

No more tears, I can't handle another breakdown like today, is what i have become so use to saying everyday.

I wake up, and it's the same routine, trying to tame my demons that give me all the reasons to be a zombie.

They call my name, the drag me in, they are the only ones who truly understand my pain.

​The pain that i have beard with me for so long, carrying it on my back, as i stare at the track marks lingering on my skin.

My pain has taken over everything i do and say, even as i lay here high and feed myself lies with "I'll stop tomorrow."

all I can think about is how I'm going to shower next; with no hot water to wash my thoughts away, they lay on me like a tray.

On my walk to work, I can hear my stomach fighting me, not just from my underfed morning, but from the pain that shivers inside of my bones, It feels like I have eaten nothing but stones.

I am alone, with a sea of people watching me.

Many say this isn't true, but you will ultimately stop reading this, and never have a clue on what i really go through.

This is nothing but a simple summary of my demise, the after affect of what happens when a teenager cries more than she can count the lies that she's been told.

I'm on the hunt to discover my soul, and it seems like life has taken it's toll.

​A toll that I have payed my entire heart with, when others only have to throw their 2 cents in.

I am awake but i am not alive, I sleep, but i cannot dream.

I eat, but i do not taste.

But worst of all, I love, even when I am unlovable.

My pain is inevitable.