Moving On

Poem written for the contest "In the Name of Emotion". Follows the events from "I Hope". The blonde in the photo is who this is ment for.

Ever will you remember the
Lie that you did tell.
Inside your heart you know the truth. Over
Zealous you may
Always be.
But in the end the sufferer will not be me.
Every time you look around I want you to feel
The loneliness without me at your side.
He deserves you and all your baggage.

I promise that you will never forget.
Remember all the things we use to do.
Every where you go there will be a memory of me.
Never will you not be reminded of the friendship we use to have.
Eventually everyone involved will suffer the way I did.

Someday you'll look back and see
I was the best friend I could be. I hope you,
Miss me the most. You're dead to me now, and
So I'll keep my head high and move right along.

Reviews

[J]

I like the messages you've imparted here, especially in your closing line: that you'll move right on and keep your head high. It's a great ethic to have, and one that everyone should have, but doesn't, because, well, it's hard to let go of these things sometimes.

My constructive nitpick for you to consider (that you are surely free to take in or not, obviously) is your use of inverted syntax making this seem overly formal to me e.g. "Never will you not be reminded" could just as easily be re-rendered to something a lot more simple; also, using double-negatives as in this example made my head spin a bit, to tell you the truth lol.

And as for used-to-be best friends, it's always hard letting go of them, but in here, you manage to do it without feeling guilty, which is great.

J

[Eustacia]

There's a lot of emotion and truth in this poem, and I liked the sentiments of the self assurance that I got from it. 'I was the best friend I could be', it said to me that the person knew that they had done all they could and really had moved on, and not just self claiming they had. Like a knowing in their own mind!

Just a little typo, I think you meant you're instead of your in the second line from the end.

[Robert Luna]

memories last so much longer than thoughts do. You have written another wonderful example of how great of a writer you are. The way you make your reader feel something other than their own emotions and thoughts was great. You flowed with images of a life that was not mine.

Wonderful Job!!!

[Erotic Goddess]

This was an incredible acrostic poem that said so very much about the person. YOU! If I did this, it would be way too blessed long because my name is 27 letters long if I use the full name!!! :) Thank you for sharing this, it was incredible!!!

[David]

Well done. The worst part of having an ex is the memories that linger forever. Every movie, song, activity the two of you shared will always be there to remind you of the time that was spent together. I really like this and can't wait to read more.

[Brianna Brie]

He deserves you and all your baggage.

I once had my x-best friend tell me that she lost the only thing that really mattered...our friendship. She regretted having tried to steal my husband from me, since I dumped her like a hot potatoe. Way to walk away with your head held high. Nice poem.

[Matthew]

Very good, Elizibeth Irene! Great writing,and style. I liked this one lots! The message was great in this.

[J]

Ok, now I feel like a dork, because I had no idea this was an acrostic of your full name. Full kudos to you for doing something like this... I've tried a few acrostics myself and always got frustrated with them lol. So, anyways, I guess... disregard everything I said in my last comment haha =)