Wishing Well

Wishing Well

A Poem by Lauren Burch
"

Forget the drain. What about the well?

"

Another hope down the drain

What I thought could happen

Beaten down and choked to death

Because you weren't happy

Because you weren't content with what you had

With the heart you destroyed

Traded a raven for a dove

And now I'm struck by your unreal love

I'm dreaming of what could've been

A wishing well of disasters

My heart ripped apart

And thrown to the bottom

Hitting every memory on the way down

To the bottom

Darkness

Where only one memory remains drowned

You.

© 2008 Lauren Burch


Author's Note

Lauren Burch
enjoy. :)

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Reviews

I really liked this!! There is so much emotion and it sent my mind wandering!!! Great Write Here, That's for sure!!!

Posted 14 Years Ago


I enjoyed reading this poem, I think you got your poing across nicely. Well done.

Posted 15 Years Ago


The wishing well is its own realm in its self. I find that we often lose our self in ourselves when our hope is drained and our love has vanished. We can always see the hope in others, although we feel like we have lost it ourselves. To see a ***twinkle*** in someones eye, to see a gleam, or a flash of the future, or a glimpse of love they will share to others in their life, that in that instant, is the beginning of regainning or to say, reenvisioning, Hope and Love.

Posted 16 Years Ago


More of a rant, which is to say that this is an emotional outburst lacking the rythmnic elements that make a poem. Be more descriptive and add in some adjectives. Punctuation helps too, as it gives the reader places to take a breath. Try reading this outloud to determine where you would like to make the breaks. Take off the autocap feature in Word.

I don't get the raven/dove reference as both are very loaded images and you will need to include some queues as to what this means, for all I know it could just be that he traded a brunette for a blonde.

This seems too fresh, too raw to really make any improvements. Take another look at this once you have had time to gain some perspective, as I like the well idea. You should consider starting with the well and see where it goes.



Posted 16 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on March 24, 2008

Author

Lauren Burch
Lauren Burch

Aubrey, TX



About
writing is a passion. must i say more? I LOVE: photography (each original photograph with each of my writings are my own.) modeling ( i love being a sculpture, even if I don't look like one. I am G.. more..

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