hope moon...

ctrl alt delete...

the cool air

of the midnight sky

more familiar

than the afternoon sun

lunar waves

pull at me

like the low tide

on the jersey shore

sucking the sand

beneath bare feet

when the moon is full

i feel clean

with want

waiting impatiently for the next

blue bus

to take me west

write your fairy tales

keep your reality

hidden deep

in the pockets

of those daydream jeans

it's scary

i know

this side of the bridge

the air is thick with it

i'll keep smilin'

one day we'll meet

in the middle

even-stevens

and see each other

for who we really are

and fall in love

all over again....

Reviews

This has nice flow up to a certain point. There is an abrupt shift in voice when you say "write your fairy tale / keep your reality." This change in voice takes the reader far away from the action, and sounds more like dictation. Try using those images to say what you want to say, after all, actions are louder than words. You never want to take away from the concreteness of the work, you always want to draw the readers in. This had very nice flow otherwise. Thanks.

[paul]

also , i agree wholeheartedly with plelitte's review, as I was thinking the same thing: i seem to see the things you write about, very clearly.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

sweet subtle beauty~

[Jonathan De Elvira]

It's calming...
But somehow I sense the ending part is hiding other meaning...I wonder what...
Oh well...
like I said, this is calming reading :)

I guess u could pull some sentimental writing too huh XD

[paul]

wow. brilliant beginning. lunar waves- beautiful.
briiliant. too many great lines for me to quote my faves.
f*****g beautiful !

[Sports Girl]

This was really sweet and so good. I really liked it.

[.]

Your descriptive use of words are so easy to picture..I felt like I was standing on that beach in the moonlight looking out to sea...wonderful..this is sentimental stuff..are you going soft on us??? LOL