"On Being Good"

I don’t know how to explain this, but I feel like I need to. I noticed today, with your passing comment “you’re supposed to make me be good”, that you and I may have the most outstanding character developments that I've ever seen.

One year ago, being good meant not f*****g in the middle of the night while your girlfriend and my boyfriend slept soundly in their houses. It meant kissing secretly while watching scary movies in our friend’s basement, and pressing temptation to the point of exhaustion. It meant ignoring the guilt and igniting an inappropriate flame.

And now? Now being good means ignoring the temptation. It means not considering giving in. We’re better, we can be around each other and be safe. I think it shows how important we are to each other. And if I spend every day of my life with you in this in-between state of love and lust and resistance, I suppose I’ll be okay.

But the question that’s haunted me for months.. if it weren’t for her, would you ever choose me?

how could i have ever thought i could erase you from my heart?